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Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?

A: Shine a flashlight in her ears.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen?
A: That’s the proper place to wash vegetables.

Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a
few blocks away from his house when he realized he’d left his
plane ticket on top of his dresser.

He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly
entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife
washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.

She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out,
and squeezed her left tit.

“Leave only one quart of milk,” she said. “Jon won’t be here for
breakfast tomorrow.”

Mr. Schneider stood up in court. “As God is my judge, I do not owe my
ex-wife any money.”

Glaring down at him, the judge replied, “He’s not. I am. You do.”

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, “Well…every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'”

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