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My mother-in-laws and I were happy for 20 years, then we met each other.

In an early morning history class a teacher began to notice that only two people had been showing up tardy.
Every Tuesday and Thursday of the week a young man and a stunning redhead had repeatedly shown up late. The boy walking in as if he had just ran a 10 mile race and the redhead would show up after him with a bottle of water and a proud smile.
On a usual Tuesday the teacher waited to start class until both had shown up. He took out his list of tardys and announced, “Everyone in this room has made it to my class on time… except two obvious people.” With this, the boy began to get a little nervous, glancing at the redhead, who stared on with a confident smile at the teacher.
The teacher then decided to ask the redhead if she knew the reason why she and her male friend were always late. She answered, “Well, you always have pop quizzes on either Tuesdays or Thursdays so (boy) and I just have early morning reviews before each day. Sometimes we just get a little carried away.”
The teacher, more or less than amused, sentenced the redhead to come to a before school detention for Thursday morning, and proceeded with a pop quiz for the day.
Thursday morning rolled around. The boy came to class early, walking perfectly, but neither the teacher or the redhead were in sight. It wasn’t until 10 minutes into class that the redhead cooly walked in, winked at the boy and sat down with her bottle of water.
Not but a minute later the teacher sauntered in the classroom, announcing that it no longer was a need to be on time for class anymore, the redhead had proved herself worthy of her study time, whether he liked it or not. With that he turned to the board, exposing the nail rips in the back of his shirt.

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce.”

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he’s a better lover than you.”

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he’s up to 80 mph.

She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.”

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”

The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”

She asks, “What’s that?”

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag!”

* It is not lady like to straddle a water jet, moan in ecstasy, then scream at the top of your lungs, “Oh yes baby!”

* Washing your partners back is sexy, washing your pantyhose is not.

* Group nude bathing with strangers can be a pleasant experience, but don’t spoil things by making snide remarks like, “I’ve seen bigger wangs on Hamsters.”

* It’s OK to pass a joint while tubbing, it’s not OK to pass gas.

* Don’t think you’re fooling anybody by trying to pass off your vibrator as a toy submarine.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
A: He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.



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