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A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in Newfoundland. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.
Buford and Buck 2 redneck boys in the next booth notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt.
The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out she starts spewing up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck “You’re right, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm.”

One evening, after a discussion in social studies, my brother asked my dad, “Why isn’t a man allowed to have more than one wife?”

My dad’s answer earned him a laugh from my brother and a night on the couch, “Because the law protects those who are incapable of protecting themselves.”

The teacher asked the children in the Sunday School class, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?”

“NO!” the children all answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?”

Again, the answer was “NO!”

“Well,” the teacher continued, “then how can I get to Heaven?”

In the back of the room, a five-year-old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead!”

Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father’s wife.

To complicate the matter worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow’s grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father’s wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter’s son.

My wife is now my mother’s mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She’s my grandmother, too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

Q: Why can’t babies get married?

A: They don’t know how to tie the knot.



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