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Q: What’s the difference between a mother-in-law and a vulture?
A: The vulture waits ’til you are dead before it eats your heart out.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, “Not yet.”

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, “Not yet.”

Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?”

And the mother says, “When the baby cries.”

So they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

The new mother says, “I forgot where I put it.”

Q: Do you know the real reason Moses wandered in the desert for 40 years?

A: Because even back then men wouldn’t stop and ask for directions.

Two blondes were walking through a forest and came upon some tracks.

The first blonde says, “Hey, those are bear tracks.”

The second blonde says, “No, those are deer tracks.”

They were still arguing over it when they got hit by the train.

Men are from earth…
Women are from earth…

Deal with it.

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