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* Challenge her to determine how many licks it takes to get to the center of a “Man-Pop.”

* “Just pretend I’m Dr. Ross from ‘E.R.’ and this is an organic tonsil swab.”

* Dress up like a giant milkshake and paint stripes on your penis to make it look like a straw.

* “Hey, you’re on a high-protein diet, right?”

* Tell him he’ll get those Omega-3 fatty oils that are so good for him.

* “No, Monica, it’s not sex at all. And it’s not even CLOSE to cheating.”

* “Honey, it’s a blow-JOB. You’re doing something good for the economy!”

* “Hey, taste this and tell me if you think it needs more protein.”

* Make her jealous by telling her your other sister does it better. (West Virginia only)

* “Quick, I got bit by a rattler!”

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

“But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer.

“Okay,” says the bartender, “If you said you paid, you did.”

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.”

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, “You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.”

“Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responds. “Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Zek and Luke went to a trucking company to apply for a “Team” truck driving job. The personnel manager decided, after talking to them both that they weren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer. He decides to interview them separately. He first interviews Zek. After 15 minutes he completes the interview. Zek barely passes. Next he interviews Luke. He begins by asking the usual transportation related questions. Luke also barely passes.
The personnel manager next interview them together. He presents them with this potential problem: Now Zek and Luke, lets say that you two are a driving team. One of you is driving the rig and the other is asleep in the back. You are going down this very steep hill with sixty thousand pounds of steel on the truck. All of a sudden your breaks go out and your speed is increasing. What would be the first thing you’d do ?
About a minute passes and there was no answer. Then, all of a sudden Luke spoke up.
“I know, I know, I know the first thing I’d do”. The personnel manager says “yes Luke, what is the first thing you’d do?” Luke says, “I’d wake Zek up.” The personnel manager replies, “WHAT ! “Why would wake Zek up ?”
Coos, says Luke, “He ain’t never seen no big accident before!”

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