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Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school.
Danny says “I won’t be going to school tomorrow.”
“Why not?” asks Joey.
“I have to go to the hospital,” says Danny woefully.
“That’s awful,” says Joey. “Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?”
Danny shakes his head and replies, “I have to have a circumcision.”
Joey stops dead in his tracks, an expression of complete horror across his face, “That’s Horrible!” he cries, “Why, I had that done when I was born, and I couldn’t walk for MONTHS!”

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nods, “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.

“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

Q: What is a blonde’s mating call?

A: “I’m so drunk!”

A blonde is driving down a country road. She looks over to the right, and sees another blond, in a row boat, out in the middle of a field, rowing.

The first blond can’t believe her eyes, stops the car, and gets out to look at the blond in the rowboat. The longer she looks, the madder she gets.

Finally she says: “You know, it’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name. You’re just sitting in the middle of a field in a row boat rowing. That’s so stupid! If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your ass!”

Father O’Grady was saying his good-byes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does, when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.

“What’s bothering you, dear?” asked Farther O’Grady.

“Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news,” replied Mary. “My husband passed away last night.”

“Oh, Mary!” said the good father. “That’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

“Yes…,” Mary replied sheepishly.


“He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down the gun!!’”

© 2015