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One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. “Eighty dollars,” the dentist says.

“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $60.”

“That’s still too expensive,” the man says.

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $20.”

“Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.”

“Hmmm,” says the dentist, scratching his head. “If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $10.”

“Marvelous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and ordered a beer. While he was waiting on his drink he noticed a jar of money sitting on the counter. When the bartender came back the redneck asked the bartender about the money.
The bartender replied, “Well, this money is for the goat we have outside.”
The redneck was puzzled so he asked again. “What exactly is this money for.”
The bartender replied. “Well, We have a goat outside and he just lays there and never moves or hollers or anything and who ever can make him holler gets this money.”
So the redneck finished him beer and goes outside.
He comes back in and the goat is laughing so hard and can’t stop. The bartender askes how he did it and the Redneck won’t answer. So the redneck walks out of the bar with the money.
A week later the Redneck comes in and sees the same bartender. He orders the same thing. And this time he sees another jar of money. He askes the bartender what this money was for.
The bartender replies “Well, ever sence you got that goat to laugh, we can’t get him to stop. So we made another jar. Who ever can get that goat to stop laughing gets the money.”
So, just like last time he finished his beer and went out side.
Well when he came in, the goat was crying. The bartender was wondering how he did it and the redneck replied, “A redneck never lets out his secrets.”
So, he took his money and left.
About a week later the redneck came back and he saw another jar of money. So, he asked the bartender what this jar was. The bartender replied “Well, you have us all wondering how you did it. First you made him laugh then you made him cry and we want to know how you did it.”
The redneck just sat there laughing. He says “Well, to make him laugh, I told him my penis was bigger than his and to make him cry, well, I proved it to him.”

A guy’s walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, “Hey kid, you’re too young to smoke.”

Johnny looks up but says nothing.

“How old are you?”

“Six,” Johnny says.

“Six? When did you start smoking?”

“Right after the first time I got laid.”

“Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?”

Johnny says, “I don’t remember, I was drunk.”

OK, so there’s this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She’s cruisin’ about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes.

To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper.

The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process.

Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road.

The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it.

The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal.

Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically.

He asks her, “Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!”

She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, “While you weren’t looking I stepped out of the circle!”

On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks:
Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee?
Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date.
The guy thinks for a minute and says:
Well, what about the last date?



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