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Tips for Moving South… Yee-Haw!

1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. If you forget a Southerner’s name, refer to him (or her) as “Bubba”. You have a 75% chance of being right.

3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

5. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

6. Do not buy food at the movie store.

7. If it can’t be fried in bacon grease, it ain’t worth cooking, let alone eating.

8. Remember: “Y’all” is singular. “All y’all” is plural. “All y’all’s” is plural possessive.

9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

10. Get used to hearing, “You ain’t from around here, are you?”

11. People walk slower here.

12. Don’t be worried that you don’t understand anyone. They don’t understand you either.

13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective “Big ol’”, as in “big ol’ truck” or “big ol’ boy”. Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

15. Be advised: The “He needed killin’” defense is valid here.

16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this!” stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car’s windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

21. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you’re supposed to do.

22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

23. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

24. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

25. In southern churches you will hear the hymn, “All Glory, Laud and Honor”. You will also hear expressions such as, “Laud, Have mercy”, “Good Laud”, and “Laudy, Laudy, Laudy”.

26. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

27. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees, rocks, and where buildings used to stand, you’re better off trying to find it yourself.

* Dogs love it when your friends come over.

* Dogs don’t care if you use their shampoo.

* Dogs think you sing great.

* A dog’s time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

* Dogs don’t expect you to call when you’re running late. The later you are, the more excited a dog is to see you.

* Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

* Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.

* Dogs don’t mind if you give their offspring away.

* Dogs love red meat.

* Anyone can get a good looking dog.

* If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it.

* Dogs don’t shop.

* Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

* A dog’s disposition stays the same throughout the entire month.

* Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

* A dog’s parents never visit.

* Dogs love long car trips.

* Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

* Dogs understand that everything smaller than it is meant to be chased.

* Dogs don’t hate their bodies.

* No dog ever bought Kenny G, Cher, or Barbra Streisand albums.

* No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

* Dogs never criticize.

* Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

* Dogs never expect gifts.

* Dogs don’t worry about germs.

* Dogs don’t care about or get jealous of any other dog you ever had.

* Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet desk and the backs of your drawers.

* Dogs don’t let magazine articles guide their lives.

* Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.

* You never have to wait for a dog. They’re always ready to go.

* Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

* Dogs don’t borrow your shirts.

* Dogs aren’t catty.

* Dogs seldom outlive you.

Q: Why did the blonde only change her baby’s Pampers twice a month?
A: Because the box said “for 18 to 24 pounds.”

Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

A: “Is that you mommy?”

1) That is not right………………………………..Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?………………..Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP………………………………….Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man………………………………………Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse……………………………………..Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?…………………….Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table…………………Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift……………………Chin Tu Fat
9) It is very dark in here………………………….Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet……………….Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone……………………No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week..Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight………………………….Lei Ying Lo
14) He is cleaning his automobile…………….Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive……………….Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great…………………………………………..Fa Kin Su Pah



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