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I chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall.

I noticed in that window
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn’t understand.

Just why he looked at ME that way
Was more than I could see
Until I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!

1. You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you’re on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does.
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you, and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt – doesn’t work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak – and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.

An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?
If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?. “I’m four and a half. You’re never 36 and a half. You’re four and a half going on five!
That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? “I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens, you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony: You BECOME 21! YES!
But then you turn 30. Ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now.
What’s wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Stay over there, it’s all slipping away!
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 And your dreams are gone.
Then you MAKE IT to 60. You didn’t think you’d make it! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60. Then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!
After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday.
You get into your 80′s, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas. It’s an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.
And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90′s you start going backwards.
I was JUST 92.
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: “I’m 100 and a half!”

This old man in his eighty’s got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said, “Where are you going?”

He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”

And she said, “Why, are you sick?”

“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”

She replied, “I’m going to the doctor too.”

He asked why.

She says, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot!”



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