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A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “Not yet. It’s HIS turn with the teeth.”

Thought I’d let my doctor check me,
‘Cause I didn’t feel quite right. . .
All those aches and pains annoyed me
And I couldn’t sleep at night.

He could find no real disorder
But he wouldn’t let it rest.
What with Medicare and Blue Cross,
We would do a couple tests.

To the hospital he sent me
Though I didn’t feel that bad.
He arranged for them to give me
Every test that could be had.

I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped,
My aging frame displayed.
Stripped, on an ice cold table,
While my gizzards were x-rayed.

I was checked for worms and parasites,
For fungus and the crud,
While they pierced me with long needles
Taking samples of my blood.

Doctors came to check me over,
Probed and pushed and poked around,
And to make sure I was living
They then wired me for sound.

They have finally concluded,
Their results have filled a page.
What I have will someday kill me;
My affliction is OLD AGE.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened!

Tricky Baseball Question

Pay attention…

Three old ladies are going to a Mariners game. They’ve never been and are very excited because the Mariners are playing. But just to make the game a little more interesting, they bring along a bottle of Jack Daniels.
It’s a really good game and the crowd’s into it and everybody is having a good time. The little old ladies keep adding a little Jack Daniels to their colas and are having a wonderful time.
There’s still a lot of game left when they notice that they are out of Jack Daniels.

Question: What inning is it?

Did you pay attention?

It’s the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded!

A son takes his father to the retirement home. Grandpa doesn’t want to go, but the family insists. On the first night, Grandpa is settling in when a gorgeous nurse enters and tucks him in. Grandpa gets a hard-on, she sees it, and she climbs aboard.

The next morning Grandpa calls his son and tells him he’s changed his mind. Now he LIKES the retirement home.

The next night Grandpa is heading for bed when he trips and falls face first on the floor. A big male orderly sees him, drops his trousers, and sodomizes the old man.

The next morning, Grandpa calls his son again and tells him he no longer likes the retirement home.

“But yesterday you told me you loved it there..” says the son.

“Yeah, but you don’t understand. I only get an erection once a month, but I fall down nearly every day.”

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