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Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened!

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”

John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”

Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.

About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”

“No,” replies John.

So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.

A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”

“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”

This old man in his eighty’s got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said, “Where are you going?”

He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”

And she said, “Why, are you sick?”

“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”

She replied, “I’m going to the doctor too.”

He asked why.

She says, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot!”

A woman out for a walk, noticed this little old man rocking in a chair on his porch and approached him.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing!” the woman said. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six,” he replied.

A true story..

An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required…. so get out of the car.
The 4 men didn’t wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.
Small problem, her key wouldn’t fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down.
She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly, white woman……no charges were filed.



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