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A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.

Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time.

They reached the ninth fairway, and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard and hit the ball right smack into the top of the tree trunk, where it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally been.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.
One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”
The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”
The third lady smiles smugly. “Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood.”
She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

Remember that old folks are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs.
I’ve become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life, since then. Frankly, I’ve become quite a frivolous old girl! I’m seeing five gentlemen every day.
As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along and when he’s here he takes a lot of my attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I’m really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!
The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, oh, I do all the time. No matter where I am – in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself, “NOW, WHAT AM I HERE AFTER?”

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”

John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”

Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.

About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”

“No,” replies John.

So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.

A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”

“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”

At the Senior Citizens’ luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river and the gentleman asks the lady, “Do you want to go up or down?”

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right in the boat. When finished the man couldn’t believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he’d had in years.

They fished for a while and then continued on down the river when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, “Do you want to go up or down?” There she went again, stripped off and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the old gentleman so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and so here they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river and the gentleman asks, “Well, do you want to go up or down?”

The woman replied, “Down.”

A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asks the lady, “Do you want to go up or down?”

She replied, “Up.”

This really confused the gentleman so he asks, “What’s the deal? Every time yesterday that I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing.”

She replied, “Well, yesterday I didn’t have my hearing aid in and I thought you said ‘fuck or drown’!”



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