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Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, “Because of the Seniors Discount.”

I went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, “For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.”

Understand—I’m not old—I’m merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I’m sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer—can’t hear what they say.

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I’ve slowed down a bit…not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I’m not old…I’m only mature.

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don’t call it gray…saying “blond” is just right.

My car is all paid for…not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, “Old duffer…get off of the road!”
My car has no scratches…not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who’s “Hell bent.”

My friends all get older…much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I’ve got “character lines,” not wrinkles…for sure,
But don’t call me old…just call me mature.

The steps in the houses they’re building today
Are so high that they take…your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.

But I’m keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I’m still in the running…in this I’m secure,
I’m not really old … I’m only mature.

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again–the strain would be too much.

The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he’d better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.

This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs–she’s coming downstairs, he’s heading up.

“Honey, I have a confession to make,” the woman says, her voice quavering. “I was about to commit suicide.”

“I’m glad to hear it, sweetie,” the man says, “Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!”

An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”

John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”

Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.

About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”

“No,” replies John.

So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.

A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”

“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”



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