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I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, “getting a little action” means I don’t need to take a laxative.

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You’re getting old when “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.

You’re getting old when your wife gives up fooling around for Lent, and you don’t know till the 4th of July.

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning – after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

Out in the midwest, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning…
In one case, a house was completely whisked away leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.
The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her dazed, but unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself.
“It was the darndest thing… it was the darndest thing,” she kept repeating.
“What was the darndest thing, Ma’am?” asked one of the rescuers.
“I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath and all I did was pull the plug and the whole darned house suddenly just drained away.”

An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over twelve years, chatting and enjoying each other’s friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, “Please don’t be angry with me, dear; but I am embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can’t.”
The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, “How soon do you have to know?”



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