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A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is and hopes she won’t notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, “Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style? …it makes your nose look too long.”

Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love”, and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both”.
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
A sexy body on TV catches your attention and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
You don’t care where your spouse goes just as long as you don’t have to go.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
“Getting a little action” means I don’t need to take any fiber today.
“Getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot.
An “all nighter” means not getting up to go pee.

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened!

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”

John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”

Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.

About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”

“No,” replies John.

So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.

A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”

“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”



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