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A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.

The old man slyly looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma’s idea!”

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, “getting a little action” means I don’t need to take a laxative.

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You’re getting old when “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.

You’re getting old when your wife gives up fooling around for Lent, and you don’t know till the 4th of July.

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning – after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

Q: What’s the most useless thing in Grandma’s house?
A: Grandpa’s thing.

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?” After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. “Yes, Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?” He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”

He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”

Then she continued, “And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.



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