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Q: Why do blondes wear green lip stick?

A: Because red means stop!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Three convicts were on the way to prison: a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead . They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, the brunette turned to the redhead and said, “So, what did you bring?” The redhead pulled out a box of paints and stated that she intended to paint anything she could. She wanted to become the “Grandma Moses of Jail.”

Then the redhead asked the brunette, “What did you bring?” The brunette pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, “I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games.”

The blonde was sitting quietly aside, grinning to herself. The other two took notice and asked, “Why are you so smug? What did you bring?” In response, the blonde pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. She said, “I brought these.” The brunette and the redhead were clearly puzzled.

She grinned, pointed to the box and said, “According to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating….”

Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.

“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.

“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”

“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”

“So then?” asked the doctor.

“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”

“So then?”

“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”

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