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Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?
A: A retarded ape.

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.

“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

The blonde was broke and desparate. She knocked on the door of a doctor’s house and said she needed money and would be willing to work for it. The doctor asked if she would be willing to paint his porch. He would give her $50 to do it.
The blonde said that would be fine. The doctor’s wife said the blonde must be really dumb to do such a big job for only $50. “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” the wife asked. “I guess so,” the doctor told his wife. A few minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. “All done,” she said, “and by the way, it’s not a porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The attention is the same, but you get the remote.

Q: Why do blondes always have such big hair?

A: So they can catch things that are over their heads.

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