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When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.”

“Your mother’s side or your father’s?” the doctor asked.

“Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.”

“Oh, come now,” the doctor said. “How could your wife’s family give you high blood pressure?”

He sighed. “You oughta meet ‘em sometime, Doc!”

There are 3 BILLION women who don’t look like supermodels and only 8 who do?

Marilyn Monroe wore a size 12.

If Barbie were a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.

The average American woman weighs 144 lb. and wears between a size 12 and 14.

If shop mannequins were real women, they’d be too thin to menstruate.

One out of every 4 college aged women has an eating disorder

The models in the magazines are airbrushed they’re not perfect!!

A psychological study in 1995 found that 3 minutes spent looking at models in a fashion magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty and shameful.

Models who twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman, today weigh 23% less.

An elderly man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter welcomes him but states that the man must know how to spell the secret password to get in.

The old man replies, “You mean I don’t have to know it, I just have to spell it?”

Saint Peter says, “Yes, that is correct, all you have to do is spell ‘LOVE.’”

The old mans spells out L-O-V-E with excitement. Saint Peter opens the gate and says, “Come on in!”

Then Saint Peter asks the old man if he could guard the gate for a few minutes while he goes to see God.

The old man does so and while he is waiting, his wife suddenly appears in a flash. He asked her what she was doing there.

She tells him that on the way home from the funeral, she had a bad accident and died then asks him to open the gate and let her in.

He tells her that she must spell the secret password first in order to get in.

She says “Okay, what is the word?”

He replies, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose- fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest w/the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the sheer dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and flirt w/the ape.

She does and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall; she does, and the gorilla is so excited, he’s just about to tear the bars down.

The husband then suggests that the wife lift her dress up above the thighs… this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in w/the gorilla and says, “Now, tell him you have a headache.”

Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.

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