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Q: On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?

A: Instead of staring at the bikinis, he’s staring at the beach balls.

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

“Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.”

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis….fifty times.”

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.”

Ok, I’m the only female in a house full of guys: 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat never down, etc.-you get the picture. Therefore, I’m the only one who would be using Female products, correct?

A strange thing was happening at my house: tampons were disappearing.
It started a few months ago, when I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon and there was only one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it.
The next month (that time of month), I go back to the cupboard and viola! there is only one tampon left, again! What is going on here? Gremlins? Total memory failure?
I go to the store, buy another box and try to chalk it up to forgetfulness, but am really wondering, now.
Later in the month, I decide to clean out my two youngest sons’ closet and, Low and Behold! at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators, and the tampon themselves!
Now I am starting to freak… Dear God, what are they doing with them?!!
I get hold of myself, tell myself that “I am an Adult” and can handle this-despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. Wondering, “Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for MAJOR THERAPY?”
I go to the stairs and yell to my two youngest sons to “Come Here, RIGHT NOW!!!”
With their usual lack of speed, they finally appear in their room to find me staring into the bottom of their closet.
I firmly, but with control, ask, “What are you doing with THOSE? Those are MINE!”
My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is silent.
My 10 year old looks at me, all innocent, and says, “Well, Mom, we were playing with our G.I. Joes and THOSE make really good SCUD missiles. What do YOU use them for?”

“NEVER MIND…GO PLAY!!!!”

Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
A: because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock



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