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Q: What does a blonde and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They are both hollow neck up!

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said “These look like deer tracks.”
The other said, “No, they look like moose tracks.”
They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them.

AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS:

– Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

– Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding?
Not if you are the groom.

– When dancing, never remove undergarments;
no matter how hot it is.

– Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds
may get you cut.

– A bridal veil made of window screen is not only
cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent.

– For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit
with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can
create a nice appearance. Though uncomfortable,
say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”
Alan, age 10

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.”
Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.”
Camille, age 10

“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.”
Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.”
Eddie, age 6

“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.”
Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

“Both don’t want no more kids.”
Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.”
Lynnette, age 8

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.”
Martine, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.”
Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“When they’re rich.”
Pam, age 7

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.”
Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.”
Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.”
Anita, age 9

“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.”
Kirsten, age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?”
Kevin, age 8

“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.”
Roberta, age 7

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

“If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of pretty clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it.”
Lori, age 8

“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.”
Ricky, age 10

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.



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