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Joey was a great guy with wonderful qualities except for unbelievably stinky feet. Sharon was a fabulous gal with everything going for her except her terrible breath. Because of these qualities neither dared to date anyone.

When they met, however, they knew they were right for each other. As the relationship grew neither could reveal their embarrassing features to each other. When Joey wanted to kiss her, Sharon would decline. Sharon would want to take long walks on the beach but Joey would refuse.

Later they decided to get married and in their hotel room the moment that comes to all newlyweds had arrived. Sharon decided to reveal her secret and said’ “Joey there is something I must tell you. I…”

and Joey interrupted, “I know, you ate my socks”

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Application for a Piece of Ass

Approved ( ) Yes ( ) No Tested For Aids? ( ) Yes ( ) No
Denied ( ) Yes ( ) No Physician_________________

* Name____________________________

* Address_______________________________

* Age_____

* Phone____________

* Social Security#______________________________

* Hair Color________
Real? ( ) Yes ( ) No

* Eye Color__________
Real? ( ) Yes ( ) No

* Dentures?
( ) Yes ( ) No

* Height_________

* Weight_________

* Waist Size_______

* Marital Status:
( ) Married
( ) Single
( ) Divorced
( ) Attached
( ) Cheating
( ) Other

* Chest or Bra Size_________________
Are they real? ( ) Yes ( ) No

* Are your nipples:
( ) Small
( ) Medium
( ) Large
( ) Pink
( ) Peach-colored
( ) Dark

* Do you like them:
( ) Sucked
( ) Chewed
( ) Kissed
( ) Caressed
( ) Squeezed
( ) None of the above
( ) Other_________

* Can you stay out late?
( ) Yes ( ) No
How Late?____
All Night____
Several Days?__

* Do you like to be screwed? ( ) Yes ( ) No
How often?__________

* Do you take it in the ass?
( ) Yes ( )No

* Do you like giving Oral Sex?
( ) Yes ( ) No
Receiving?
( ) Yes ( ) No

* Penis or Pussy Size:
( ) Microscopic
( ) Small
( ) Medium
( ) Large
( ) Extra Large
( ) Does it matter?

* Are you shaved?
( ) Yes ( ) No

* While Screwing do you:
( ) Faint
( ) Fart
( ) Cry
( ) Moan
( ) Hum
( ) Scream
( ) Whistle
( ) Yodel
( ) Scratch
( ) All of the above
( ) Just lay there
( ) Other__________________________

* When you come, Do you:
( ) Wiggle
( ) Wobble
( ) Twist
( ) Jerk
( ) Scream
( ) Moan
( ) Cry
( ) Other?________________________________________

* What kind of screw do you like?
( ) Fast
( ) Slow
( ) Super Fast
( ) All night
How many times_______
Comments_________________________________________

* How long do you screw at one interval?_________________________________

* Do you want to screw now?
( ) Yes ( ) No

* If you have screwed before, Give 2 References (Not Immediate Family)
o Name__________________________
Address_______________________
Phone___________
o Name__________________________
Address_______________________
Phone___________

* If the Application is favorable, what are your charges? If any?
For one night____________
One Hour___________
Muff Burger Special or Blow Job______________

* What credit card will you accept?
( ) Master Card
( ) Visa
( ) Sears
( ) JC Pennys
( ) Shell
( ) American Express
( ) Citicorp

* Do you have any pictures to attach?
( ) Yes ( ) No

I verify the Above Information is the Truth, So Help me God!!

___________________________________
Signature

___________________________________
Date

Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q: Why did the blonde quit using birth control pills?

A: They kept falling out.



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