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An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.

As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, “I have a dead pussy.”

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common.”

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence, “A man once told me …”.

Q: What do you call a blonde at university?
A: A visitor.

Q: What’s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?

A: A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

A district minister arrived one Sunday morning in a small rural town. The local minister asked the district minister to help with a local problem.

“Everyone here thinks they are just perfect!” said the local minister. “Could you preach a sermon that will bring them back to their senses?”

The district minister was a gifted speaker, eloquent with words and knowledgeable about the Scripture. He spoke for nearly an hour, convincing everyone that they too were sinners. Finally, the district minister was sure he had set everyone straight.

To reaffirm that they were all thinking alike, the district minister finally asked: “Is there anyone here who thinks they are perfect?”

Everyone was looking at the floor, thinking quietly. Slowly, one man in the back stood up.

The district minister asked the man, “And why do you stand, sir?”

The man said, “I am not perfect, but I am standing in memory of my wife’s first husband who was.”

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