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An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the grey hair on his chest and they except that as proof.

He goes home to his wife, shows her the check and explains to her what has happened. She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants and see if you can get disability!”

What a Woman Says:

“This place is a mess! C’mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and if we don’t do laundry right now
you’ll have no clothes to wear.”

What a Man Hears:

“blah, blah, blah, blah, C’MON
blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES.”

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) “I dunno!”

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said “These look like deer tracks.”
The other said, “No, they look like moose tracks.”
They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them.

Divorced? Instead of getting married again, why not find a woman you don’t like and just give her a house.

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