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Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won’t do what she’s told.

Q: Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

4. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too.” Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can’t eat it?

5. When people say “It’s always in the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

6. When people say (while watching a movie) “Did you see that?” No ASSHOLE, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the friggin ceiling up there.

7. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”… Didn’t really give me a choice there now did ya buddy?

8. When something is “new and improved”, which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then it must be of the first existing one!

9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you’re the one who fucking pulled me over!

Please take the following Manliness Assessment…..

1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

a. lovemaking
b. screwing
c. the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:

a. your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b. your blood-test results
c. five tequila slammers

3) You time your orgasm so that:

a. your partner climaxes first
b. you both climax simultaneously
c. you don’t miss SportsCenter

4) Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

a. healthy, creative love-play
b. not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c. not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5) Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you’ve just had sex with is:

a. the best part of the experience
b. the second best part of the experience
c. $100 extra

6) Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

a. no concern of yours
b. not a problem, she can join your gym
c. a conservative estimate

7) You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

a. a myth
b. an oxymoron
c. a moron

8) Foreplay is to sex as:

a. appetizer is to entree
b. primer is to paint
c. a line is to an amusement park ride

9) Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship:

a. “I hope we can still be friends”
b. “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep”
c. “Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU.”

10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

a. probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
b. is uptight and a waste of time
c. shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating the results:

If you answered “a” more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered “b” more than 7 times, check into therapy, you’re more than a little confused.

If you answered “c” more than 7 times, “YOU DA MAN!”



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