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Two drunks were in a tavern sitting at the bar and staring into their drinks. One got a curious look on his face and asked, “Hey, Pete! You ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?”

“Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years.”

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said.

“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.”

Geography of a Woman

* Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

* Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

* Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

* Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France, gently aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit.

* Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

* Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

* Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

* After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

Geography of a Man

* Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq – ruled by a dick.

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”

Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I… I… I didn’t pinch that girl!”

“Of course you didn’t,” said his wife, consolingly. “I did.”



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