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* Challenge her to determine how many licks it takes to get to the center of a “Man-Pop.”

* “Just pretend I’m Dr. Ross from ‘E.R.’ and this is an organic tonsil swab.”

* Dress up like a giant milkshake and paint stripes on your penis to make it look like a straw.

* “Hey, you’re on a high-protein diet, right?”

* Tell him he’ll get those Omega-3 fatty oils that are so good for him.

* “No, Monica, it’s not sex at all. And it’s not even CLOSE to cheating.”

* “Honey, it’s a blow-JOB. You’re doing something good for the economy!”

* “Hey, taste this and tell me if you think it needs more protein.”

* Make her jealous by telling her your other sister does it better. (West Virginia only)

* “Quick, I got bit by a rattler!”

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

I’ve noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot.
It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there:

They have no wife to go home to…
or they do.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?

A. A brunette with bad breath.

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