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In praise of women over 55

* A woman over 55 won’t wake you in the middle of the night and ask, “So what are you thinking of?” She doesnt care what you’re thinking of.
* A woman over 55 doesn’t care what you might think of her. She is supremely confident. She knows who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.
* A woman over 55 is dignified. She seldom argues with you loudly when you’re out with friends, or when you’re in an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, you’ll cop it when you return home.
* A woman over 55 is generous with her praise, often undeserved, because she has experience of what it was like to be unappreciated.
* Although women get psychic as they age, you’ll never need to confess your sins to a woman over 55. She always knows.
* A woman over 55 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
* Once you get past a few unimportant wrinkles, a woman over 55 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
* A woman over 55 is forthright and honest. She’ll tell you straight away when you start to act like a jerk. You wont ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Most elderly men praise women over 55 for all the above reasons and more. Unfortunately, its not always reciprocal. For every stunning, smartly dressed, well made up woman over 55, there’s a bald, paunchy, tired-looking man making a fool of himself flirting with some young waitress.

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, “No.”

A clerk came over and asked, “May I help you?”

“I don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but simply could not afford the prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spots the blond standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it up on the bank. Laying nearby were several other dead alligators.

Just then the blonde flips the freshly killed alligator on it’s back, and frustrated, shouts out, “SON OF A BITCH! This one ain’t wearing any shoes either!”

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she’d ever been picked up by “the fuzz”?

A: “No. But I’ve been swung around by the tits.”

Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

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