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I wish you were on TV
Would you love me if I were a TV star?
No, but I could switch you off!

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, “Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!”

Ralph looked out the window and said, “I can’t jump out the window! It’s raining like hell out there.”

Mary cried, “If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!”

So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, “Do you always run in the nude?”

Ralph answered, while gasping for air, “Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running.”

Then another runner asked, “Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?”

Ralph answered breathlessly, “Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home.”

Then another runner asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

Ralph answered, “Only if it’s raining.”

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They’re too hard to peel.

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him.

“Yes,” she quickly replied. “Tell him mother didn’t come after all.”

Q: How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree!!



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