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Three men who always stopped at their favorite bar after work were discussing their jobs and tying one on and getting rather smashed.

Suddenly one of the fellows looked at his watch and exclaimed, “Good God! It’s nearly two o’clock, boy! Are we ever gonna’ catch holy hell when we get home!”

Second guy says, “Shay, I got an idee…let’s just agree with the broads in everything they shay, and (hic-cup,belch) we’ll meet back here tomorrow night, God willing and the creek don’t rise.”

Next evening, they lucked out and met at the bar and were telling their experiences.

First guy says, “Man, was I ever loaded last night, but I crept in the house and I was as dry as bone and started to get a glass of water and dropped it in the floor and broke the glass. My wife said, ‘Why don’t you break every glass in the house?’ So I got my boy’s baseball bat and broke every glass in the house.”

Second man says, “Well, I was dry too and I spilt a little water on the floor and my old lady said, ‘Why don’t you flood the whole house?’ So I got the water hose and flooded the damn house.”

It’s the third mans turn to tell his story and he begins by saying, “Hell, you guys ain’t heard nothing yet. My old lady is such clean freak that I quietly pussy-footed into our bedroom and snuck under the covers and started feeling her up. I played around with her big tits a bit, the I began getting a little lower and lower, lower, and right down to her “honey-box,” when all of a sudden the bitch cried out, ‘You son of a bitch, cut that out!’ Look here, boys … have you all ever seen one up close?”

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find kind, sweet, sensitive men in this world?

A: Because they already have boyfriends!

Q: What is the most insensitive part of a penis?

A: The man

Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

A: Beat it! We’re closed…

A guy’s out jogging and he spots a brand new tennis ball lying in the road. He picks it up and slips it into his shorts’ pocket. Later, he’s standing on a corner waiting for the light to change.

A blonde is standing next to him, and she sees the bulge in his shorts, so she says, “What’s that?”

He says, “Tennis ball.”

She says, “Oh, that must be painful… I had tennis elbow once.”

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