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Morty was in his usual place that morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replies, “Why thank you, dear!”

My girlfriend has beautiful long hair all down her back.
What a pity its not on her head!

Q: What is the difference between a brunette and a blonde in love?
A: The brunette falls head over heels in love and the blonde falls with heels over head!

Q: What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

A: Nothing, you told her twice.

What high-tech lingo becomes once it goes north of the
Oregon-California border.
LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the woodstove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin the farwood
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time
PROMPT: Whut the mail ain’t in the winter time
WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it’s cold outside
SCREEN: Whut to shut when it’s blak fly season
BYTE: Whut dem dang flys do
MICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the munchie bag
MODEM: Whacha did to the hay fields
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn ruf
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
ENTER: Northerner talk fer, C’Mon in y’all
MEMORY: When ya cain’t ‘member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore
wife asks
MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

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