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Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “We’re doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”

“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”

“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”

Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

A: Beat it! We’re closed…

Maurice and Hetty were approaching their Golden wedding anniversary. One summer evening, as they were taking a slow walk in their local park, Hetty suddenly takes her walking stick and hits Maurice hard across his back with it.
“What on earth did you do that for? It really hurts.” he shouts at her.
Hetty replies, “That’s for 50 years of poor sex.”
Maurice thinks for a while and then takes his walking stick and hits Hetty hard across her tuchus with it.
“Ouch,” she screams. “What was that for?”
Maurice looks at her and replies, “That’s for knowing the difference.”

Q: Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?

A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.



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