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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

1. Combating Stupidity
2. You, Too, Can Do Housework
3. PMS-Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How To Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Skimpy Underthings For Christmas-Give Us Money
6. Understanding The Female Response To Your Coming Home Drunk At 4:00AM
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (Formerly Titled “Don’t Wash My Underwear”)
8. Parenting-No, It Doesn’t End With Conception
9. Get A Life-Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like A Jerk When You’re Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling-Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You-The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself Anywhere But The Bathroom
16. Garbage-Getting It To The Curb
17. How To Put The Toilet Lid Down (Formerly “No, It’s Not A Bidet”)
18. “The Weekend” And “Sports” Are Not Synonyms
19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate And Not Get Lost
20. The Remote Control-Overcoming Your Dependency
21. Helpful Postural Hints For Couch Potatoes
22. Mother-In-Laws-They Are People Too
23. Male Bonding-Leaving Your Friends At Home
24. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
25. Seeing The True You (Formerly “No, You Don’t Look Like Mel Gibson, Especially With No Shirt!”)
26. Changing Your Underwear-It Really Works
27. Fluffing The Blankets After Flatulating Is Not Necessary
28. Techniques For Calling Home

A site foreman, displeased with the motivation of the men working for him, decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest person here,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?” Nine hands went up. “Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man. “Too much trouble,” came the reply.

A blonde went to helicopter flight training, wanting to learn to fly that day. The owner agreed to send her up, and instruct her by radio. He showed her the start up, and basic procedures, and up she went. At 1000 feet, she radioed, “I’m doing great! I love it! I’m really getting the hang of it!”

The instructor watched her climb to over 3000 feet, then watched in horror as the helicopter began a dive and crashed nearby. He ran over and pulled her from the wreck, asking, “What happened?”

She said, “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, until I got cold and turned off that big fan.”

* SERVER woman:
She’s always busy when you need her.

* WINDOWS woman:
Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but none can live without her.

* POWERPOINT woman:
Only Bill Gates has the will to use her more than half an hour.

* EXCEL woman:
They say she can do a lot of things, but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

* WORD woman:
She always has a surprise reserved for you, but no one in the world is able to fully understand her.

* DOS woman:
Everyone has had her at least once, but no one wants her anymore.

* BACKUP woman:
You have always believed that she has everything you need, but when “X-hour” comes, you find out that she has missed something.

* VIRUS woman:
Also known as “wife”; when you are not expecting her to, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, but if you don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

* SCANDISK woman:
You know that she is good and that she only wants to help you, but you never know what she is really doing that for.

* SCREENSAVER woman:
She is not worth anything, but at least she’s fun!

* RAM woman:
She forgets everything you say when you disconnect her.

* HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything… FOREVER.

* MULTIMEDIA woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

* MICROSOFT woman:
She wants to have domination over all the men she meets, and she tries to convince them that this is the best thing for them. She will do the best she can to make you fight against other women, and she promises you that you will have everything you want if you will give her your address book. Before you figure it out, she will be the only one in your life… it will even come to the day when you will need her permission to open your refrigerator or start your car.

* PASSWORD woman:
You think you’re the only one who knows her, but in reality all the world does…

* MP3 woman:
Everybody wants to take her…

* USER woman:
She fucks up everything she does, and she always asks for more than she needs.

* CPU woman:
From outside, she looks like she has everything, but on the inside she is empty…

* MONITOR woman:
She makes life look better and brighter.

* CD-ROM woman:
She’s always going faster and faster.

* DATAWAREHOUSING woman:
She keeps you informed of everything, except what you really want to know.

* E-MAIL woman:
Out of every ten things she says, eight are bullshit.



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