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Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel’s home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel’s wife and vice versa.

After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize.

The Colonel’s wife smiled demurely, “Don’t worry about it; this is the first time all evening that I’ve been able to tell what he has in his hand.”

Q: Why are Blonde jokes so dumb?

A: Well so men can understand them

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?

A: It’s the only car name they can spell.

(and the translation of what they mean!)

* I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo geek in “Deliverance.”)

* There’s a slight difference in our ages.
(I don’t want to do my DAD.)

* I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
(You ugly dork.)

* My life is too complicated right now.
(I don’t want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

* I’ve got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and 1/2 gallon Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.)

* I don’t date men where I work.
(I wouldn’t date you if you’re in the same *solar system*, much less the same building.)

* It’s not you, it’s me.
(It’s you.)

* I’m concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

* I’m celibate.
(I’ve sworn off the likes of you or I’d rather be gang raped by midgets or I’d rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire or when bats fly out of my butt.)

* Let’s be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)

Q: What do you call a movie about a man trying to make a blond smart
A: Mission Impossible



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