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* Old Yeller
o “You spineless, good-for-nothing, drag-ass, no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable?!”
o Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
o Advantages: Pays attention to you
o Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

* The Bosser
o “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”
o Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-It-All, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
o Advantages: Often right
o Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

* Wild Woman Out of Control
o “I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.”
o Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
o Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
o Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

* Huffy
o “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at.”
o Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold Fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly
o Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
o Disadvantages: You will have no friends

* Woman From Mars
o “I believe this interpretative dance will explain how I feel about our relationship.”
o Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
o Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
o Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

* Ms. Dreamgirl
o “I am utterly content with my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now.”
o Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
o Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
o Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you

Father O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.

“What’s bothering you, dear?” asked Farther O’Grady.

“Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news.” Replied Mary. “My husband passed away last night.”

“Oh, Mary!” said the good father. “That’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

“Yes,” Mary replied sheepishly.


“He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down the gun.’ “

Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?

A: A brunette with bad breath.

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself.
“You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.”
The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, “From now on you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?”
“I certainly do,” said his wife calmly, “the undertaker.”

Julie’s boyfriend told her he’d lost all his money
What did she say?
I’ll miss you darling!

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