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A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman
who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the
pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally
bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the
end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out
the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You can only fit two people in a Porsche.

Did any of you other married guys out there ever wonder whether it’s
better to have loved and lost, than to have loved and won?

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A longblack hearse was followed by a second long black hearse and behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn’t contain her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said “I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you you but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
The woman replied, “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.”
“What happened to him?”
“My dog attacked and killed him.”
“Well who is in the second hearse?”
The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”
A poignant moment of silence passed between the two women.
“May I borrow the dog?”
“Get in line.”

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other’s throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counsellor’s office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 5 – - 10 – - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counsellor spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

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