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A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical.
“What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked.
“My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde.
Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and
the bees.
“No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and
suck with the best of them, but he says I can’t cook!”

Q: Why are men and parking spots similar?
A: The good ones are already taken and the ones left are handicapped.

A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked, “Will you buy booze?”
The bum said, “No.”
The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?”
The bum said, “No.”
Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can
see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”

There were three men: one from Ohio, one from Virginia and one from West Virginia. They all took their wives to dinner for their anniversary. The man from Ohio said, “Pass the honey, honey.”

The man from Virgina said, “Pass the sugar, sugar.”

And the man from West Virgina said, “Pass the tea, bag!!”

Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell!

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