Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


A man wakes up his wife during the night with a glass of water in one hand and two aspirins in the other. She asks, “What’s this for?”

“This is for your headache,” he says.

She says, “But I don’t have a headache.”

He smiles and says, “Gotcha!”

Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following:
“We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore.
“They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.
“At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.
“My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night – Early Birds. Some of the people can’t get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.
“My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.”

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.

“Okay,” the sheriff said, “what is 1 and 1?”

“Eleven,” she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, ‘That’s not what I meant, but she’s right.’

“What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”

“Today and tomorrow.”

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

“Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

The blonde was exultant. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

Q: Why do blondes use whiteout on their computer screen?
A: They couldn’t find an eraser.



© 2015 ijokedb.com