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Q: Why don’t Blondes make good cattle herders.

A: Because they can never keep two calves together.

Do: Keep the rings in a safe place or in the care of a responsible person.
Don’t: Place rings on sinks or drainboards or gamble using them as collateral because you feel “lucky.”

Do: Allow plenty of extra preparation time to deal with unforeseen calamities.
Don’t: Run so late you have to choose between showering or wearing underwear.

Do: Kiss gently at the end of the ceremony.
Don’t: Even think about using your tongue.

Do: Everything you can to ensure that your wedding guests have a great time.
Don’t: Flirt with wedding guests.

Do: Offer the photographer a complimentary meal.
Don’t: Make jokes at the photographer’s expense.

Do: Accept all gifts graciously and appreciatively.
Don’t: Set up a table, hire a pit boss, and make P.A. announcements like “Ladies and gentlemen, Uncle Mike and Aunt Vera come up with a cool $50!”

Do: End your vows with the traditional “I Do.”
Don’t: Try to be hip or witty by ending with “You Betcha,” “Take it to the bank, Padre,” or “Yo!”

Do: Break into a kiss when you hear glasses tinkling.
Don’t: Tinkle when you hear glasses breaking.

Do: Make sure there’s entertainment everyone can enjoy.
Don’t: Hire acts like Lola from the bachelor party, Randy’s Amazing Pit Bulls, or Max Patkin, The Clown Prince of Baseball.

Do: Make it obvious to everyone just how happy you are.
Don’t: Make it obvious to everyone just how horny you are.

Do: Get in a brief “thanks” to guests.
Don’t: Get inebriated; punch guests.

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.

“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” she asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”

“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’ ”

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”

Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
A: Two Mother-in-laws.

Q: Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant?
A: He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer.



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