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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce…

“What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property.”

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ‘yes’.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “most days he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I never wanted a divorce. It’s my husband. He says he can’t communicate with me.”

Q: What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.

Q: Why do you want to be buried at sea?

A: To stop my wife dancing on my grave!

Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde’s life?
A: Third Grade.

When I’m in the showers I get pissed of by people constantly asking me “How did you get such a big manhood?” Shamed by their shriveled up two inch long snakes they often ask me for advice, and so I’ve decided to help all guys out there and tell you how to grow a big willie to impress the girls with.

DOES SIZE MATTER?
Well, put it this way, the vagina is on average four inches deep. And so in theory anything bigger than that will be more than enough. But in practice when you listen in to girls talking (he he) they sure ain’t talking about the size of bananas in the trees.

HOW DO I GROW IT THEN?
Well, don’t shove it in a pile of horse shit – It ain’t a plant you know. So here are the methods;

THE TRADITIONAL WAY
This is the way Amazon Tribes and some African tribes use to make their willies big. It works best when the person is still very young – but will still work no matter what your age. What you do is attach a heavy rock or stone to a piece of rope/string – whatever, then hang the heavy stone from your willie. Walking about with a heavy stone hanging from your willie may hurt it but it really does stretch it. That’s why the tribes mentioned have used this method for thousands of years.

THE SCIENTIFIC WAY
Way One… As everyone knows the human body is just a load of chemicals bunched together. Genes determine the height of a person – but they can also determine the size of your willie. So if daddy has a tiny willie you can expect the same too. But don’t cry yet. Scientists using growth hormones can alter the height of a person to make them taller than they would have been. In the same way they can also give you doses of testosterone and other hormones to make your willie bigger than it would have been if nature had taken its course. As far as I’m aware this method only really works well in children.

THE OPERATION
By this I DON’T mean transplanting the penis from a well endowed man who has died to you. In the U.S.A. an operation can be done to lengthen your willie. It costs approximately 7000 dollars. It can make you longer by anything from three quarters of an inch to two inches. What they do is snip the suspensory ligaments which attaches the penis to your body, which allows the penis to hang freely and subsequently lengthens it. They also inject fat from your body into the penis making it thicker too. You’re still able to get a proper hard-on and the doctor who performs the operation (who was speaking on “This Morning” on ITV) said that out of the thousands of operations he has performed only one or two were unsatisfactory in that they didn’t make the willies grow longer.
Certain steroids can boost this operation in childhood too. The operation also works best in childhood – but will still work okay in older men. So if you have children and you want them to have massive willies then get the operation done on them and give them growth hormones and voila!

SHORT BACK AND SIDES
If you don’t have the stomach for an operation and you don’t fancy the idea of walking about with a heavy stone on your willie then you could always shave some of the pubic hair from around your willie to make the shaft look longer.

THE EXTENSION KIT
Yep, that’s right. You can get a plastic thing that attaches onto the end of your manhood. They’re usually about two inches long and can be found advertised in the adverts of most porn mags. But don’t blame me if it falls off halfway through doing it (the extension I mean).

THE DEVELOPER
Hmmm, bit dodgy this one. Penis developers, like extension kits, can be found in the pages of most porno mags. What they are is a tube in which you place your prized organ into, then you use a pump to pump it around your willie nice n tight so as to stretch it (I think it works just like the pump when you’re getting your blood pressure taken).

THE LAST RESORT
If all else fails all you can hope for is a miracle. Start praying and attending church regularly. If this fails take a trip to Lourdes in France and bathe in the holy water.

BUT WHAT IF THAT FAILS TOO?
Then you can start crying! You’ll just have to make do with a small willie. The best advice I can offer you is to find yourself a virgin who hasn’t been stretched like a train tunnel. She’ll have tight pussy muscles which haven’t been made loose by ugly looking men and so she won’t need a big willie to fill her up. She’ll also not know what the average size of a mans penis is (having never seen one) and so she will just accept it as normal sized.

BUT HOW DO I KNOW IF IT DOESN’T MEASURE UP?
According to various articles I came across in my research the average length of a willie is anything between five and six and a half inches. So if you’re shorter than that start worrying… I’m not a poof so I don’t go around measuring peoples willies, so we will just have to take those magazine articles word for it!

Well that’s all for now folks. Remember to try the methods, but remember the old saying that “Size isn’t everything” too (As long as you’ve got a big willie).



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