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Q: What’s the wife of a hippy called?

A: Mississippi

Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
A: When the power goes off.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?

A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.”
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, “Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.”
The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, “Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.”
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, “Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.”

Damitol – Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

St. Mom’s Wort – Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen – Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.

Peptobimbo – Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol – When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor – Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics – When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin – Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person… can we get naked now?”

Buyagra – Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-One-All – When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura!

JackAsspirin – Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Antitalksident – A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin – More effective than Excedrin in treating the, “Not now, dear, I have a headache,” syndrome.

Ragamat – When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.



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