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If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place… You either married it or gave birth to it.

Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?

A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: If fathers have Father’s Day, and mothers have Mother’s Day, what do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.

Q: What do cannibals do at a wedding?
A: Toast the bride and groom!

A blonde calls an airline and asks, “How long does it take for a plane to take me from New York to Los Angeles?” The man replies, “One minute.” – “Thanks!” replied the blonde… and she hung up.

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