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One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?” – “It depends,” she replied, “What does it say on your shirt?” He yelled back, “Texas A & M.”

Having spent half the night discussing involvement vs. commitment with my boyfriend, I was quite amused to see the following saying pop up when I logged in the next morning: Commitment, n.: Commitment can be best illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4. Monday Night Football.
5. The bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
6. You can open all your own jars.
7. Dry cleaners and haircutter’s don’t rob you blind.
8. When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
9. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
10. You don’t have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
11. You understand why the movie “Stripes” is funny.
12. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
13. The garage is all yours.
14. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
15. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
16. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
17. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
18. The National College Cheer leading Championship.
19. You don’t have to shave below your neck.
20. If you’re 34 and single nobody notices.
21. Everything on your face stays its original color.
22. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
23. Flowers fix everything.
24. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
25. Three pair of shoes is more than enough.
26. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
27. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
28. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
29. Auto mechanics tell you the truth.
30. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
31. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
32. One mood, all the time.
33. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
34. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
35. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
36. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
37. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
38. You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
39. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
40. The remote is yours and yours alone.
41. ESPN’s Sports Center.
42. Bachelor parties rule over bridal showers.
43. You don’t need to pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
44. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become life long buddies.
45. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
46. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
47. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
48. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So… notice anything different?”
49. Baywatch.
50. There is always a game on somewhere.

* The Florist couldn’t find your house, did you move?
* I sent a candygram. Someone must have eaten it.
* The Hallmark Store was closed and I didn’t want to send less than the best.
* I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up again!
* I left a message on your answering machine to meet me for dinner. Where were you?
* I didn’t know you liked jewelry.
* I thought Saint Valentine’s Day was a Catholic Holy Day.
* Your mailman must have been shot in a Post Office Massacre.
* I thought we would do something different this year.
* I thought it would mean I was making a commitment.
* You didn’t remind me!

A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man’s head and says, “Say, your head feels just like my wife’s ass.”
The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin, “You know, you’re right!”

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