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A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.”

” Then,” the man continued, “after dinner, you’re going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And, when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

The wife answered, “The funeral director.”

I overheard a friend telling his pal, “I can’t break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.”
“What is she doing?” the pal asks.
“Waiting for me to get home.”

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other man”.
The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90’s and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like manner.
He sent the following e-mail to his wife’s lover:

Sir,

It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next.

The “other man” was highly amused by the husband’s formal manner and sent off the following reply at once:

Dear Sir,

I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the scheduled conference in your Office’s auditorium.

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

The old man had died and a wonderful funeral was in progress.

The country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that’s your pa in there.”



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