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As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon, the young bride called her mother who lived a couple of hours away.

“How did everything go?” her mom asked.

“Oh, mother,” she began, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time. But, mother, on our way back, Andy started using really horrible language. Stuff I’d never heard before. Really terrible four-letter words. You’ve got to come get me and take me home. Please, Mother!” the new bride sobbed over the telephone.

“But, honey,” the mother countered, “What four-letter words?”

“I can’t tell you, mother, they’re too awful! Come get me, please!”

“Darling, you must tell me what has gotten you so upset…. Tell mother what four-letter words he used.”

Still sobbing, the bride said, “Words like dust, wash, iron, cook.”

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.”

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”

That’s it!” She blows her top, “You creep! You waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”

The husband sighed. “Oh shoot, it’s started.”

This woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
He asks “What for?”
She says “I want to kill my husband”.
He says “Sorry, I can’t do that.”
She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and hands it to him.
He says, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription… “

Maurice and Hetty were approaching their Golden wedding anniversary. One summer evening, as they were taking a slow walk in their local park, Hetty suddenly takes her walking stick and hits Maurice hard across his back with it.
“What on earth did you do that for? It really hurts.” he shouts at her.
Hetty replies, “That’s for 50 years of poor sex.”
Maurice thinks for a while and then takes his walking stick and hits Hetty hard across her tuchus with it.
“Ouch,” she screams. “What was that for?”
Maurice looks at her and replies, “That’s for knowing the difference.”

MOTHER-IN-LAW – When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER



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