Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.”
The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”
“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”
“It’s even worse than that,” he confided. “I broke my wife’s hard drive!”

1. You haven’t asked yet.

2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

3. Because I just love hearing this question.

4. Just lucky, I guess.

5. It gives my mother something to live for.

6. My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole.

7. I’m still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

8. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?

9. I’m waiting until I get to be your age.

10. It didn’t seem worth a blood test.

11. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

12. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

13. My co-op board doesn’t allow spouses.

14. I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

15. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.

16. I wouldn’t want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

17. I guess it just goes to prove that you can’t trust those voodoo doll rituals.

18. What? And lose all the money I’ve invested in running personal ads?

19. I don’t want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

20. Why aren’t you thin?

21. I’m married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

22. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

I’ve come to ask for your daughters hand in marriage.
Well you’ll have to take the rest of her too or the deals off!

Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives.

After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first line and only one in the second.

The angel walks up to the man and asks why he was so sure of his independence.

“That’s easy,” said the fellow, “My wife told me to stand here!”

Jim had been out on the town with a dazzling blonde, and he was returning home as the rosy tints of dawn began to color the skies. Marshaling all his inner resources, he managed an air of sobriety and dignity before the suspicious eye and wagging tongue of his wife.
Suddenly, as he was undressing, she punctuated her harangue with a sharp, gasping intake of air.
“Jimmy,” she asked through titely clenched teeth, “Just where are your underwear?”
Bleakly, Jimmy perceived through the fog in his mind, that his boxer shorts were indeed missing. Just then, inspiration stuck. “My God!” he cried with aggrieved dismay. “I’ve been robbed!”



© 2015 ijokedb.com