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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?” Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.” Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.” Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!” The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, “Well…every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?’!”

One day, little Johnny was walking to school with his pet 2 turtles for show and tell. While he was on his way, a truck drove by and startled him. Johnny dropped the turtles and the truck ran them over killing both of them instantly.

Johnny went along to school anyway. When the class all finished doing their show and tell projects, the teacher finally called on Johnny, “Johnny, where is your show and tell for today?”

Johnny replied, “Well teacher it’s like this, I was walking to school with my pet turtles and a truck drove by and scared me. I dropped the turtles and the truck ran his ass right over ’em and killed ’em!”

His teacher was in shock and very sternly stated, “Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language in school. We say rectum.”

Johnny said, “Rectum…it damn killed ’em!”

After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family.

“Pastor,” Johnny says, “I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust.”

“That’s right, Johnny, I did.”

“And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust.”

“Yes, I’m glad you were listening. Why do you ask?”

“Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed ’cause there’s someone either comin’ or goin’!”

A nursery school teacher says to the class, “Who can use the word ‘Definitely’ in a sentence?”
First little girl says “The sky is definitely blue”
Teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be grey, or orange… ”
Second little boy… “Trees are definitely green”
“Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown… ”
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks.. “Does a fart have lumps?”
The teacher looks horrified and says… “Johnny! Of course not!”
“OK… then I have DEFINITELY shit in my pants… “

A mother bought her little boy a new set of Leggos, but he was having trouble building something with them and complained to his mother. She told him to go down the street and watch the carpenters who were building a new house and maybe he’d get a few ideas.

So later in the day he came home and when his mother checked in on him, he’d built this elaborate building and she was quite impressed. She ask if there was anything she could help him with and he replied, “Yeah, could you move that top block over just a cunt hair?”

She was shocked and asked, “What did you say?!?”

He replied, “I said could you move that top block over just a cunt hair?”

She immediately told him, “Young man, you go out and get a switch right now!”

He replied, “Go get the son-of-a-bitch yourself, I ain’t no electrician!”

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