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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?” Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.” Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.” Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!” The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, “Well…every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?’!”

“I’m ashamed of you,” Little Johnny’s mother said. “Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do.”

“He threw a rock at me!” the boy said. “So I threw one at him.”

“When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me.”

“What good would that have done?” Little Johnny replied, “My aim is much better than yours.”

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?”
“They’re mating, Lucy” he replied.
“What do you call the spider on top Daddy?” Lucy asked.
“Oh, that’s a Daddy Longlegs.
Lucy asked, “Oh, so one’s a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?”
Daddy replied, “No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!”

A third grade teacher came in to the room one day and found a drawing of a penis on the blackboard. She suspiciously looked at her students but didn’t say anything. Instead, she rubbed it off. The next day, she came in and saw another drawing of an even bigger penis on the board. She frowns and rubs it off. The third day, she came in and saw another penis drawn on the board. This time, it’s huge, covering up almost half of the space.
She couldn’t take it anymore so she screams out to the room full of noisy children, “Why do you kids like drawing this penis on the board? And why is it getting bigger each day?”
Little Johnny then screams out back to her, “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”

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