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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms.Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly,
the Sunday School teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay
like that.”
Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

One day at the end of class little Johnny’s teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then infer the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.”

The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”

Next is little Lucy. “Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched.”

The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies, “Don’t count your chicks before they’re hatched.”

Last is Little Johnny. “My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer.Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands.”

The teacher looks in shock at Little Johnny and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Johnny replies, “Don’t screw with Uncle Ted when he’s been drinking.”

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”

Little Johnny waves his hand, “Me, me, me!”

The teacher says, “Alright, Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?”

Johnny says “Mas-tur-bate.”

The teacher smiles and says, “Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful.”

Johnny says, “No, you’re thinking of a blowjob. I’m talking about a wank.”

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came…Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

“It’s a period,” reported Johnny.

“Well, I can see that,” she said, “But what is so exciting about a period?”

“Damned if I know,” said Johnny, “But this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself.”

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother, “please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.”
So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom,and closes the door.
- first, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse.
So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
- ok, now take off my skirt…
And he takes off her skirt.
- now take off my bra.
Which he does.
- and now, Johnny, please take off my panties.
And when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, “Johnny, PLEASE don’t wear any of my clothes to school any more!”

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