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Little Johhny strolls into school on Tuesday. The teacher stops him in the hall.
“Johnny, why weren’t you in school yesterday?”
“Sorry, Miss, but my dad got burned”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it wasn’t badly?”
“Well, they don’t fuck about at the crematorium, Miss!”

Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A: One! After that its not empty!

A guy’s walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, “Hey kid, you’re too young to smoke.”

Johnny looks up but says nothing.

“How old are you?”

“Six,” Johnny says.

“Six? When did you start smoking?”

“Right after the first time I got laid.”

“Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?”

Johnny says, “I don’t remember, I was drunk.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

Groucho Marx


Q: What did the rock pool say to the other rock pool?
A: My mussles are bigger than yours!

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