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Q: Where did the computer go to dance?

A: To a disc-o.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?

A: Cell phones.

A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration.
With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.
“Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these,” announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “It’s something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time.”
Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, “Spit ’em out, you guys, they’re assholes!”

A mother bought her little boy a new set of Leggos, but he was having trouble building something with them and complained to his mother. She told him to go down the street and watch the carpenters who were building a new house and maybe he’d get a few ideas.

So later in the day he came home and when his mother checked in on him, he’d built this elaborate building and she was quite impressed. She ask if there was anything she could help him with and he replied, “Yeah, could you move that top block over just a cunt hair?”

She was shocked and asked, “What did you say?!?”

He replied, “I said could you move that top block over just a cunt hair?”

She immediately told him, “Young man, you go out and get a switch right now!”

He replied, “Go get the son-of-a-bitch yourself, I ain’t no electrician!”

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. “Yes,” he said. “My dad taught me.” – “Good! Can you tell me what comes after three?” – “Four,” answers little Johnny. “What comes after six?” – “Seven.” – “Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a good job. What comes after ten?” – “A jack,” says little Johnny.

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