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This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says “You’re not from round here are ya?”
“No” replied the man, “I’m from Pensylvania.” The bartender looks at him and syas “Well what do you do in Pensylvania?”
“I’m a taxidermist.” said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked “What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?” The man looked at the bartender and said “Well, I mount dead animals.”
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him “It’s okay, boys! He’s one of us!”

A older woman down south goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is properly written. (She had always been known for her accuracy to details, second only to her famous sense of thrift.) Only his beloved pickup truck remained to remind her of his presence.
The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, “Well then, let it read, ‘Billy Bob died.”
Although amused at the woman’s cleverness, the editor says, “Sorry ma’am there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries.”
This causes her to become only a little flustered, so she thinks things over for a few seconds. “In that case,” she says, “let it read, ‘Billy Bob died, 1983 Pickup for sale.’”

A driving application
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.

Last name: ________________

First name:
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse’s Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse’s Name: __________________________
Lover’s Name: __________________________
2nd Lover’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________
Father’s Name: _______________________

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education what was your
major?
[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you
are still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse
____ shed ____ pawnshop

Model and year of your pickup: _________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don’t know

Bobby-joe was riding in Jeds truck
Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, “Thats where I first had sex.”
Bobby-Joe said,”How was it.”
Jed said,”It was great til’ I looked up and saw her mom was watching.”
Bobby-Joe yelled,”Oh shit, what did she say??”
Jed repiled “Baaa”

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.
Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President’s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man’s tractor.
“Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?”
“Yep. Sure did,” the man muttered unconcernedly.
“Do you realize that is the President of the United States’ airplane?”
“Yep.”
“Were there any survivors?” the agent gasped.
“Nope. They’s all kilt straight out,” the farmer signed cutting off his tractor motor. “I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.”
“The President of the United States is DEAD?” The agent gulped in disbelief.
“Well,” the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. “He kept a-saying he wasn’t, but you know what a liar he is.”



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