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A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Southerner never uses them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Tailgating is a “must” to all Southerners.
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered “going with the flow.”
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
If you MUST use turn signals, here’s how to do it, Southern Style.
Signal only when you feel like it.
If you feel you must use your directionals, make sure they blink only once, then turn them off.
Signal only after you change lanes.
When driving straight, make sure that at least one directional is blinking at all times. This keeps the drivers behind you on their toes.
Signal as you approach a curve in the road.
If you intend to make a right turn, use the left signal.
If you intend to make a left turn, use the right signal.
When approaching an intersection, signal to turn and slow down. When other drivers or pedestrians cross in front of you, turn off the signal and go straight.
When you intend to make a turn, start signaling approximately 6-8 blocks before your turn. Slow down for each block as you approach them.
Always apply your brakes way before you signal.
When making a left turn at a busy red light, wait for the light to turn green before you turn on your signal.
Wait until after you have started to turn or change lanes to use your signals.
If you must use hand signals instead of your directionals, use your right hand or have your passenger do it out the right side window.

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age.”
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren

…and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says “You’re not from round here are ya?”
“No” replied the man, “I’m from Pensylvania.” The bartender looks at him and syas “Well what do you do in Pensylvania?”
“I’m a taxidermist.” said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked “What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?” The man looked at the bartender and said “Well, I mount dead animals.”
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him “It’s okay, boys! He’s one of us!”

Q: Why did the redneck drive his pickup truck over the edge of a cliff?
A: He wanted to test out his new air brakes.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A Nervous Wreck.



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