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Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger.
She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, “That little gal is havin’ a bad time. I’m agonna go over there and help.”
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, “Kin ya swaller?”
Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, “Kin ya breathe?”
Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt.
The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, “Ya know, it’s sure amazin’ how that hind-lick maneuver always works !”

Q: What does a 13 year old girl from Tennesee say after sex?

A: Git offa me, daddy, you’re cruching my cigarettes!

Q: Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?
A: They would tell the women to try another brother.

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small hick Texas town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went.
He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. “Can you change this for me, please?” he said.
The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, “Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?”

A saucer descends upon a shack in a remote southern town. They immediately proceed to corral the already stupefied family and begin to herd them on to an awaiting ship.
The dad, seated in the back can be seen furiously spraying himself with a can labeled “Alien Abduction Protection Spray.”
Amused, the two aliens move back toward the man and observe his frantic exercise. After he completely empties the can onto himself, the aliens grab each of his arms and start to escort him to the door.
He starts yelling out, “Hey, you can’t abduct me, I’m protected by that there “Abduction repellent!”
The two aliens look at each other and one of them says, “The only thing in that can is deodorant.”
They continue to drag him out the door.
“Ha!” says the man. “Ma friend Bubba said that he sprays this on himself every night and he’s never been abducted his whole life.”
“Well your friend Bubba forgot to tell you to spray BEFORE we find you. You don’t think we used our EYES to find rednecks in the middle of the woods at 3 a.m., did you?”

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