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In a small Texas town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature bothered me: the three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!”
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.’”

The rehearsal dinner is held at Hooters.

Instead of “friends of the bride or friends of the groom?”, ushers ask “Ford or Chevy?”

Bridesmaids wear pink tube tops and the groomsmen wear Travis Tritt t-shirts.

Phrase “I Do” is replaced by “I Heard That!”

Tender rendition of “The Wedding Song” is replaced by “Rocky Top” and performed by Boxcar Willie.

When the minister asks, “Who Giveth This Woman To Be Married…” some guy in the back stands up and hollers “Earnhardt!”

Reception conversation includes the phrase, “Been to Dollywood lately, Earl?”

Snack trays and beverages at reception include vienna sausages (smoked, of course), nacho cheese Doritos and grandma’s own moonshine.

Plans for the Honeymoon evening include tickets to the Monster Truck Show.

The sign in front of the church reads: No Shirt… No Shoes… No Problem!

Two rednecks, Hank and Jenny Sue went for a walk in the countryside. After a while, Hank had to answer a call of nature. Spying an outhouse, he excused himself.
Jenny Sue waited for Hank…and waited, and waited. Finally, she looked inside and saw Hank stirring around in the outhouse muck with a stick. “Hank, what the hell are you doing, stirring in the shit?” she yells.
“I dropped my jacket down the hole,” he complains. “It’s the one my momma gave me.”
Jenny Sue shakes her head. “You’re crazy… you’re not gonna wear that thing now, are you?”
“Hell no,” Hank assures her, “but there’s a baloney sandwich in one of the pockets!”

A Canadian tourist fell into a beer vat during a tour of the Labatt’s Brewing Facility outside of Toronto. Plant officials estimate the tourist drank fifteen gallons of beer before he could be removed from the vat.

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.”
“Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”
“Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ‘em.”
The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… five?”



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