Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


The dogcatcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
The Dollar-General is bigger than the Wal-Mart.
The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
The emergency room nurse knows everyone in your family by name.
The fairground’s main attraction is to see who can throw cow pie the farthest!
The family business needs a lookout.
The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recognize your wife… and wave to her.
The fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year”.
The figures on your wedding cake wore overalls.
The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed your bathroom never did reach the house.
The first question your mother asks upon checking into the motel is, “Where’s the nearest liquor store?”
The first thing you do in the morning is checking your critter trap, and you’re disappointed when it is empty.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!”, “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin’?” (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!)
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!” “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin?”
The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
The front license plate of your car has the words “Foxy Lady” written in airbrush.
The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
The game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
The gazebo in your yard is bigger than your trailer.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
The highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jack box.
The highlight of your family reunion was your sister’s nude dancing debut
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
The hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.
The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.
The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.
The landscaping in your front yard is broken down cars.
The last time you saw your daddy outside, he was picking up trash, chained to three other guys.
The library in your city ran out of the book “The ABC’s of Belching”.
The main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.
The Marlboro man is your idol.
The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can’t find it.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, “Somebody go jiggle the handle.”
The most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is “What the hell are you lookin’ at Diphead?”
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is “What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?”
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.
The nearest liquor store is brewing in your basement.
The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
The newspaper (the business) is the community toilet paper.

A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Southerner never uses them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Tailgating is a “must” to all Southerners.
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered “going with the flow.”
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
If you MUST use turn signals, here’s how to do it, Southern Style.
Signal only when you feel like it.
If you feel you must use your directionals, make sure they blink only once, then turn them off.
Signal only after you change lanes.
When driving straight, make sure that at least one directional is blinking at all times. This keeps the drivers behind you on their toes.
Signal as you approach a curve in the road.
If you intend to make a right turn, use the left signal.
If you intend to make a left turn, use the right signal.
When approaching an intersection, signal to turn and slow down. When other drivers or pedestrians cross in front of you, turn off the signal and go straight.
When you intend to make a turn, start signaling approximately 6-8 blocks before your turn. Slow down for each block as you approach them.
Always apply your brakes way before you signal.
When making a left turn at a busy red light, wait for the light to turn green before you turn on your signal.
Wait until after you have started to turn or change lanes to use your signals.
If you must use hand signals instead of your directionals, use your right hand or have your passenger do it out the right side window.

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age.”
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren

…and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says “You’re not from round here are ya?”
“No” replied the man, “I’m from Pensylvania.” The bartender looks at him and syas “Well what do you do in Pensylvania?”
“I’m a taxidermist.” said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked “What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?” The man looked at the bartender and said “Well, I mount dead animals.”
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him “It’s okay, boys! He’s one of us!”

Q: Why did the redneck drive his pickup truck over the edge of a cliff?
A: He wanted to test out his new air brakes.



© 2015 ijokedb.com