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1. Y’all shalt always remember your manners.

2. Y’all shalt make no fuss over yourself.

3. Y’all shalt not sass your mama.

4. Y’all shalt always wonder what your daddy would think.

5. Y’all shalt always talk the way you grow’ed up.

6. Y’all shalt tell no whoppers unless you are in a situation where you are expected to.

7. Y’all shalt demonstrate your great faith by the way you drive.

8. Y’all shalt always clean your plate.

9. Y’all shalt hold kinfolk in high regard, regardless of what you really think of ’em.

10. Y’all shalt always remember where you come from.

Q: How can you tell if a redneck is married?
A: There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

ATLANTA (Aug 16th) – The governors of Alabama, Georgia, and Mississippi announced today that they have made a disturbing discovery in their states.
Apparently, a small number of Al Qaeda terrorists have become romantically involved with local redneck girls. The result is not pretty and they now have the sad task of reporting the creation of a new sector of the human race:
So far, only a smattering of actual births have been reported, but Pat Robertson’s Christian Coalition is hard at work trying to isolate and seal them off. To date, the Coalition has identified the following children:

Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba
Mohammed Jethro Bin Tinkin Bout It
Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba
Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba
Bobbie Joe Bubba Amgood Atat
Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
Linda Sue Bin Dare Dundat

Not surprisingly, the Coalition believes they all seem to have sprung from one couple:

Mohammed Whoozyadaddy and Yomamma Bin Lovin

A redneck has five bucks and is horny, so he thinks to himself, “Maybe I’ll go to that whorehouse I’ve been hearin’ so much ’bout.”
The redneck walks in, approaches a very burlesque, good-looking woman and says, “I’ve got 5 bucks, give me your best.” The man is immediately escorted to a room with a mirror, a couch, and a chicken in the corner.
The woman shuts the door. The man reluctantly takes the chicken and finishes his business. He then realized that that was the best sex he’d ever had.
The following week, the man brings $10 of his hard earned money, and offers it to the woman. He is the whisked off in to a small room with a few benches and a double sided mirror. The small room quickly fills with men and women alike.
Two women walk into the room that the people are viewing. The two lesbians then proceed to make love on the table. The redneck nudges the man next to him and exclaims, “Damn, for 10 bucks, this is damn good.”
The man then chuckles and says, “You should have been here last week, we had a man screwing a chicken.”

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?”
The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”
The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. “What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!”
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back.”
The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. “I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and… it… it… grew back!”
The bartenter, now furious at the guy’s general stupidity, yells, “for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!” The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. “It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”



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