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ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

Name: ________________
(_) Billy-Bob (last)
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)

Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Unemployed

Spouse’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________
Father’s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don’t know

* your spreader bar says “Smith & Wesson” down the side.

* your bondage rope has axle grease stains.

* you named your dog the same name as your submissive, so you could remember both of their names.

* your nipple clamps look suspiciously like the clamps for your jumper cables.

* you can’t suspend your sub from the ceiling because she weighs more than the load capacity for your trailer.

* your sub accidently screams out the names of your brothers Bubba, Billy, and Bobby before she remembers yours in a moment of passion.

* you use the hood of the El Camino on blocks in your front yard as a bondage table.

* you require you submissive to wipe the rim of your Budweiser bottle with her sleeve before she kisses it to serve you.

* you fix the squeaking headboard with duct tape.

* you can only give 10 swats at a time because you want to count the strokes and don’t want to take your work boots off.

* your submissive makes a dentist appointment and you’re afraid it might mean she is looking for a new dom.

* you decide to surprise your submissive with an extra special location for her collaring, so you take her to Graceland.

* you accidently get your submissive with your belt buckle during a whipping, and it leaves a Budweiser logo imprint on her ass.

Back in the woods, a redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.”
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
“Whoa there,” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down – I think there’s yet another one to come.”
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
“No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern – It seems there’s yet another one in there!” cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attractin’ ‘em?”

You don’t know kudzu from kung fu.

You enjoy living in filth.

The only kind of grass you’ve seen is the kind you smoke.

You prefer Bruce Springsteen to Bocephus.

The thought of eating scrapple doesn’t turn your stomach.

You talk real fast and charm real slow.

You think smog is a sky color.

You think all cars are yellow and have a light on top.

You think barbecue is a verb, not a noun.

Your momma spends more time in hockey locker rooms than your father’s bedroom.

You think okra is a talk show host.

You can be surrounded by crime and “didn’t see a thing!!”

You didn’t know chickens laid eggs and cows produced milk.

You waste large amounts of money on a date, when all you had to do was ask.

You think Skoal is a form of punishment.

You think barbecue is a verb meaning “to cook outside.”

You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!

You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly.

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.

You don’t know what a moon pie is.

You’ve never had grain alcohol.

You’ve never, ever, eaten okra.

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

You’ve never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you’ve seen are on road trips.

You have no idea what a polecat is.

You don’t see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

You don’t have bangs.

You would rather vacation at Martha’s Vineyard than Six Flags.

More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

Instead of referring to two or more people as “y’all,” you call them “you guys,” even if both of them are women.

You don’t think Howard Stern has an accent.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

You don’t have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.

You don’t have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

The farthest south you’ve ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

You call binoculars opera glasses.

You can’t spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.

You don’t know what applique is.

You don’t know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean)

You don’t have doilies, and you certainly don’t know how to make one.

You’ve never been to a craft show.

You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

You can’t do your laundry without quarters.

None of your fur coats are homemade.

Picture yourself in the middle of the Boonies with no water. What do you do? You reach in your back pocket and pull out a packet of powdered water. Yes, powdered water. Just add water and your powdered water becomes crystal clear drinking water. Only $29.95. Makes a great gift.
What if one night the power in your hose goes off and there is no light at all. You stumble around looking for a flashlight and when you finally find one there’s no batteries. What do you do? Throw that flashlight away and buy yourself one of our very own solar powered flashlights. No batteries required, works great! Only $56.69. Everybody should own one.
Do you like canoeing? I know I do, but sometimes I just wish I could go a little faster. Well now I can. Thanks to Ric, my canoe has speed holes in it adn I go a lot faster. Only $3.25 per hole. Thanks Ric.
Let me tell you a story, one day I was flying my helicopter and my stablizer went out. I tried to gain control of it but I was going down too fast. Now in any other helicopter you would crash, but not mine. Thanks to Ric, I bought my helicopter with an ejection seat so before I crashed I just pushed a button and up I flew. Only $2,129.99.
Do you like to spy on your neighbors? Shame on you. But if you do, you can’t afford to pass-off this offer. Why for only $45.99 you can own a window with a built in peep hole. This way you can see them, but they can’t see you.



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