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Q: How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
A: Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for cars.

Q: What’s the difference between a northern girl and a southern girl?
A: A northern girl says you can and a southern girl says you all can.

Q: What’s the difference between a good ol’ boy and a redneck?
A: The good ol’ boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.

Two duck hunters from wisconsin: absolutely a true story heard on a wisconsin radio station reporting on the incident.

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00).

He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin It’s mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR.

They decide they want to make a natural-looking open water for the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float in.

Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: They light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG…??? Let’s talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.

The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his Master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.

The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator.

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog’s rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.

Then ” BOOOOOOOOM…. The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with “I can’t believe this just happened” looks on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.

The dog is okay…doing fine.

And you thought Rednecks only live in the South………

1. Y’all shalt always remember your manners.

2. Y’all shalt make no fuss over yourself.

3. Y’all shalt not sass your mama.

4. Y’all shalt always wonder what your daddy would think.

5. Y’all shalt always talk the way you grow’ed up.

6. Y’all shalt tell no whoppers unless you are in a situation where you are expected to.

7. Y’all shalt demonstrate your great faith by the way you drive.

8. Y’all shalt always clean your plate.

9. Y’all shalt hold kinfolk in high regard, regardless of what you really think of ’em.

10. Y’all shalt always remember where you come from.

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