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A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer.

The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve strings here.”

The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends.

A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve strings here.”

So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair.

Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, “Hey, aren’t you a string?”

And the string says, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?”

The guy answers, “A scotch, please.”

The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars.”

The guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”

The next day, same guy walks into the bar.

Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”

The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”

The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”

To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.

Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.

Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms.

A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches.

“I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, and I’m not sleeping. What is it, Doc?”

The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, “I can’t find anything wrong. It must be the drinking.”

“Fair enough,” replied the lush. “I’ll come back when you sober up.”

A fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the pub. It was not long before he came staggering along, and out she jumped from behind a headstone. “Ooooooo!” she wailed, “I am the Devil!”
He sticks out his hand… “Put it there, pal,” he says, “I am married to your sister.”



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