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A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.

After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, “One more remark like that and I’ll smash your face in!”

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, “Hey, you don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.”

The lady asks, “How do I do it without surgery?”

“Just rub toilet paper between them.”

Startled the lady asks, “How does that make them bigger?”

“I don’t know, but it worked for your ass.”

Three cowboys, one from Texas, one from Kansas and one from Oklahoma went into a bar bragging about who was the baddest of the three.

The Texan said watch this and yelled at the barmaid, “Hey barmaid, bring me a pitcher of beer and get your ass over here!”

When the barmaid got there the Texan guzzled down the whole pitcher, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off one of his fingers. She was startled.

The cowboy from Kansas yelled out, “Hey bitch, bring me a beer with a shot of tequila and get your ass over here with it!”

Upon the barmaid getting there he drank the beer and tequila down, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off two fingers. The barmaid was terrified at this, especially after just witnessing the Texan.

The Oklahoma cowboy spoke out and told the barmaid, “Honey, bring me a whole bottle of tequila and hurry!”

Upon her arrival, he drank the entire bottle of tequila, unzipped his pants and slams his dick on the table.

The barmaid screamed, “You aren’t going to shoot that off are you?”

“Hell no … I want you to kiss it. It will go off by itself.”

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

A feminist walks into a bar that has a sign marked: “For Men Only.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” says the bartender. “We only serve men in this place.”

“That’s OK, “she says. “I’ll take two of them.”

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