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A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied. “But where in the hell was I gonna find
a fake Jeep?”

Little Johnny goes by his parents room and sees them having sex, and he asked his father what they were doing and the father said they were playing poker and his mother was his “Wild Card”. Johnny said ok and left.

The next weekend he is at his grandparents home and he sees his grandfather doing it to his grandmother and again little Johnny asked what he was doing. The grandfather said he was playing poker and his grandmother was his “Wild Card”. Little Johnny said ok and left.

About two weeks after that, Johnny’s dad goes by the bathroom and he hears Johnny in there he opens the door and sees Johnny masturbating. When he asked him what he was doing Johnny said he was playing poker. When his dad asked him where his “Wild Card” was, Johnny said, “With a hand like this you don’t need a “Wild Card”.

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.”

“Of course you can come in. You’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the brewery.”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”

Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, no Brenda, no.”


“Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to a drawing he was doing with varicolored crayons. His mother finally looked over his shoulder, and, puzzled, asked “Who’s that you’re drawing, son?”
The son answered, “God.”
“Don’t be silly,” reproved the mother. “Nobody knows what God looks like.”
Not even pausing in his task, the son announced calmly, “They will when I’m finished!”

Q: What’s the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?

A: Let everyone go first!

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