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Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Jim?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Jimmy tearfully, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”

A guy was invited to an old friends’ home for dinner.
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, “I think it’s wonderful that after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those pet names.”
His buddy hung his head. “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago.”

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued the congregation for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.
This received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen more minutes and repeated his question. With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one old gentleman in the rear.
“Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.”
“Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“86.”
“Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to be eighty-six and not have an enemy in the world.”
The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around. “It’s easy. I just outlived them.”

Q: What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?

A: You get them on their back and they’re both screwed!

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.



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