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A young woman brings home her fianc

Three cowboys, one from Texas, one from Kansas and one from Oklahoma went into a bar bragging about who was the baddest of the three.

The Texan said watch this and yelled at the barmaid, “Hey barmaid, bring me a pitcher of beer and get your ass over here!”

When the barmaid got there the Texan guzzled down the whole pitcher, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off one of his fingers. She was startled.

The cowboy from Kansas yelled out, “Hey bitch, bring me a beer with a shot of tequila and get your ass over here with it!”

Upon the barmaid getting there he drank the beer and tequila down, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off two fingers. The barmaid was terrified at this, especially after just witnessing the Texan.

The Oklahoma cowboy spoke out and told the barmaid, “Honey, bring me a whole bottle of tequila and hurry!”

Upon her arrival, he drank the entire bottle of tequila, unzipped his pants and slams his dick on the table.

The barmaid screamed, “You aren’t going to shoot that off are you?”

“Hell no … I want you to kiss it. It will go off by itself.”

Late one Saturday night, after a long and difficult day of visiting hospitals, nursing homes and elderly members of the congregation, a Southern Baptist preacher was making his weary way home. As he traveled the hilly, curving country road, he overtook a car. The slow moving car was weaving from one side of the road to the other in a most disturbing manner. Being familiar with most residents of the area he recognized the car as belonging to a member of his congregation.

“Oh no,” said the preacher to himself, “Frank Johnson has fallen off the wagon again. The way that car is weaving, he must be really plastered. I better pull up beside him and get him to stop before he hurts himself.”

Putting thought to action, the preacher pulled along side Frank’s car just in time for the next swerve to run him off the road. Over the shoulder, down a steep bank, the preacher’s car rolled over twice and came to rest against a large pine tree. Not completely senseless to the world, Frank stopped his car and staggered back to a point above the preacher’s car.

Fortunately, the preacher had been using a seat belt. That and the relatively slow speed had prevented any injury. When Frank saw someone struggling out of the wrecked car, he yelled, “Who the hell are you?”

The preacher yelled back, “Frank Johnson, don’t you talk to me like that.”

“My God preacher, that you?”

“Yes Frank, it is, and I’ll thank you not to take the Lord’s name in vain. It’s already bad enough that you’re drunk.”

“You OK preacher?”

“Yes Frank, fortunately the Lord was with me.”

“You better let him ride with me. Way you drive, you gonna kill him.”

Q: If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, where would they bury the survivors?
A: you don’t bury survivors

Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?
A: A box of quackers!



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