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Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?

A: “I dot my i’s on you!”

Roses are red,
or are they blue?
Hell I don’t know
but I do like you.

I love you more
than my truck’s tires.
Yer more useful than my
old rusty pliers.

You cook a good deer
and fry a good egg,
just wish you’d shave that
hair off your legs.

If you decide not to do it, Pumkin Face,
It’s okay, I’ll still feel the same,
I’ll just keep on tellin my buddies,
yer up fer a part in Planet of the Apes.

Yer my pride and joys,
What a lady!
But hows come we do it
only when it’s my payday?

When I ran over ya with my truck,
you didn’t even say “ouch.”
And you are so cute,
when you wipe your boogers under the couch.

I hope we stay together,
at least a couple more days-
cuz I’m really horny
and I want to get laid.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?

A: Because it couldn’t get a date.

Last year my wife said all she wanted for Valentine’s Day was “the card.” I picked out a real expensive one and thought the matter closed. She got angry with me anyway. Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum. How the heck am I supposed to know it’s referred to as “the card?”



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