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1. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

2. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.

3. I used to come here all the time with my ex.

4. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.

5. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

6. I like clay. It’s mushy.

7. I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

8. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

9. I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.

10. It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.

“Last year my wife sent me this card that said: ‘Take my heart – Take my soul.’ I mean, isn’t that just like a woman? Saving all the best parts for herself.”

Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?

A: Ughs and kisses!

Q: What is the perfect breakup gift to give to someone for valentines day?

A: A copy of the book sex for dummies.

Screw valentines day,
Hearts and roses and kisses galore.
What the hell is all that shit for?

People get mushy and start acting queer.
It it definitely the most annoying day of the year.

This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid’s ass!

I’ll spend the day so drunk I can’t speak,
And wear all black for the rest of the week.

Girls act all sweet, but it will soon fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid!

The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a crock of shit.

So here’s my story. . . what else can I say?
Love Bites my ass. . .
Screw Valentine’s Day!



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