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Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

A: It was Valenswine’s Day!

Q: What do you call a very small valentine?

A: A valentiny!

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?
A: A stamp.

* The Florist couldn’t find your house, did you move?
* I sent a candygram. Someone must have eaten it.
* The Hallmark Store was closed and I didn’t want to send less than the best.
* I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up again!
* I left a message on your answering machine to meet me for dinner. Where were you?
* I didn’t know you liked jewelry.
* I thought Saint Valentine’s Day was a Catholic Holy Day.
* Your mailman must have been shot in a Post Office Massacre.
* I thought we would do something different this year.
* I thought it would mean I was making a commitment.
* You didn’t remind me!

* Thinking of you sweetheart, which, technically, the court order can’t prevent.

* Just wanted to say “I love you” when I wasn’t falling down drunk.

* If only we weren’t so closely related!

* Even though I’m a Bosnian Serb, You’re my favorite Croat Muslim!

* I’m too shy to ask in person, but what is that thing on your face? A mole, a wart? WHAT????

* You’re too beautiful to resist, my under-the-ether dental patient.

* I’m more than half interested in you, my hermaphroditic darling!

* The Medicated Shampoo Took Care of It.

* I’m Glad the Arkansas State Troopers Brought You to My Hotel Room, Valentine!

* I’ll Give You Money To Have Sex With Me.

* Just thinking of you while I am drunk and no one else will have sex with me.

© 2015