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Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed “guess who”?

A: A divorce lawyer.

“I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine’s day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it’s these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.”

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?

A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!

Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A: “I find you very attractive.”

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a french chef?

A: You get buttered up.

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