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“Last year my wife sent me this card that said: ‘Take my heart – Take my soul.’ I mean, isn’t that just like a woman? Saving all the best parts for herself.”

Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?

A: Ughs and kisses!

Q: What is the perfect breakup gift to give to someone for valentines day?

A: A copy of the book sex for dummies.

Screw valentines day,
Hearts and roses and kisses galore.
What the hell is all that shit for?

People get mushy and start acting queer.
It it definitely the most annoying day of the year.

This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid’s ass!

I’ll spend the day so drunk I can’t speak,
And wear all black for the rest of the week.

Girls act all sweet, but it will soon fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid!

The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a crock of shit.

So here’s my story. . . what else can I say?
Love Bites my ass. . .
Screw Valentine’s Day!

Last year my wife said all she wanted for Valentine’s Day was “the card.” I picked out a real expensive one and thought the matter closed. She got angry with me anyway. Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum. How the heck am I supposed to know it’s referred to as “the card?”



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