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Roses are red,
or are they blue?
Hell I don’t know
but I do like you.

I love you more
than my truck’s tires.
Yer more useful than my
old rusty pliers.

You cook a good deer
and fry a good egg,
just wish you’d shave that
hair off your legs.

If you decide not to do it, Pumkin Face,
It’s okay, I’ll still feel the same,
I’ll just keep on tellin my buddies,
yer up fer a part in Planet of the Apes.

Yer my pride and joys,
What a lady!
But hows come we do it
only when it’s my payday?

When I ran over ya with my truck,
you didn’t even say “ouch.”
And you are so cute,
when you wipe your boogers under the couch.

I hope we stay together,
at least a couple more days-
cuz I’m really horny
and I want to get laid.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Q: Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?

A: She didn’t suit his taste!

15. My love for you… it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.

14. I’m here To fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.

13. Lie down with me — it’s my final offa,
Or you’ll be lying wit’ Jimmy Hoffa.

12. I picked up this card from a slim selection
But that’s all they offer here in witness protection.
Love, J. Doe

11. I’ve waited so long for you to be mine.
Now that Sinatra’s dead, be *my* Valentine.

10. Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.

9. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;
So please be mine, Valentine, or I’ll have to whack your ass.

8. Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car — So why ain’t you dead?

7. The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look
You’d bear a son, and now that’s done, So shut your mouth and cook!

6. Hey.

5. Youse da greatest. Youse da best.
But you’re as untouchable as Elliot Ness.

4. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.
Be mine always and you’ll keep your fingers.

3. Hope da chocolates is good, but y’know, dis ain’t really what a guy’s heart looks like.

2. Valentine, Dear, lend me a hand
So I won’t be a self-made man.

1. When a goon makes you die,
Cuz you told him goodbye — that’s amore!

Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?

A: A hug and a quiche!

Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

A: It was Valenswine’s Day!



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