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Q: Who sends a thousand Valentine’s cards signed “Guess Who”?
A: A divorce lawyer!

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope.

A man went to the market this last week to buy Valentine’s cards for his daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, “I wonder if they have cards for ex-spouses.”
The clerk behind the counter said, “Oh, yes sir, they do have an ‘ex’ category, but they’re in Sporting Goods.”
“Yes sir. They’re called bullets.”

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Hog and kisses!

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?

A: “I love you a ton!”

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