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Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?

A: Hogs and kisses!

Q: What did the letter say to the stamp?

A: You send me.

1. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

2. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.

3. I used to come here all the time with my ex.

4. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.

5. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

6. I like clay. It’s mushy.

7. I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

8. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

9. I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.

10. It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.

“Last year my wife sent me this card that said: ‘Take my heart – Take my soul.’ I mean, isn’t that just like a woman? Saving all the best parts for herself.”

Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?

A: Ughs and kisses!



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