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Roses are red and Violets are blue,
I didn’t buy you anything
’cause to be honest,
I really don’t like you.

You used to give me,
candy and sweets,
you used to dress sexy,
as a special treat.

Now all I get is a complaint
or some gripe.
I liked you much better
before you were my wife.

I once cared about who you were
and about what you thought
but now I know better
and I’ll just screw your sister until I get caught.

You say I don’t love you, I don’t care anymore.
Well guess what? You are right….
now get outta my bed bitch,
you can sleep on the floor.

So here it is, your present this day.
It may not be special, it may not be sweet,
but it’s all you’re getting..
for your mother I must meet.

She e-mailed me this morn’,
with something on her mind.
Then said for a dollar,
her G-spot I could find.

I hope you don’t think,
I did this to be mean.
I just wanted to show you
how little you mean.

So happy V-day and all of that crap.
Have a nice life
and get to the doctor before anyone else
get’s your case of the clap.

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?

A: “I dot my i’s on you!”

Roses are red,
or are they blue?
Hell I don’t know
but I do like you.

I love you more
than my truck’s tires.
Yer more useful than my
old rusty pliers.

You cook a good deer
and fry a good egg,
just wish you’d shave that
hair off your legs.

If you decide not to do it, Pumkin Face,
It’s okay, I’ll still feel the same,
I’ll just keep on tellin my buddies,
yer up fer a part in Planet of the Apes.

Yer my pride and joys,
What a lady!
But hows come we do it
only when it’s my payday?

When I ran over ya with my truck,
you didn’t even say “ouch.”
And you are so cute,
when you wipe your boogers under the couch.

I hope we stay together,
at least a couple more days-
cuz I’m really horny
and I want to get laid.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?

A: Because it couldn’t get a date.

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