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Q: What did the Valentine’s card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!

1. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

2. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.

3. I used to come here all the time with my ex.

4. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.

5. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

6. I like clay. It’s mushy.

7. I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

8. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

9. I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.

10. It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.

Q: What is a ram’s favorite song?
A: I only have eyes for ewe, Dear

Q: What is a ram’s favorite song?

A: I only have eyes for ewe, Dear

Last year my wife said all she wanted for Valentine’s Day was “the card.” I picked out a real expensive one and thought the matter closed. She got angry with me anyway. Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum. How the heck am I supposed to know it’s referred to as “the card?”



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