Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

A: If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

3 cups bread crumbs
2 large onions
2 cups of celery
2 tablespoons of poultry seasoning
2 cups of unpopped popcorn

Stuff turkey. Bake at 350 degrees for 5 hours until corn pops and blows the turkey’s ass across the room!

‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned,the dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky,
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees…
Happy eating to all! Pass the cranberries, please!

Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, hubble, hubble.

* You’re sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.

* The turkey never suffers from modesty.

* You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.

* You are expected to pass the dishes around.

* There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.

* They give you the day off with pay to have dinner.

* Thanksgiving dinner is a “sure” thing.

* Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!

* You’re expected to fall asleep after dinner.

* You are expected to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.