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* Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.

* Shoot olive pits at Granpa’s glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)

* Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud “BUZZ”ing noise.

* Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad’s not looking.

* Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

* Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.

* Hold your nose while you eat.

* Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

* Mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice, you were worried for nothing.”

* Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table.

* Announce that you’ve got a new fear of choking.

* When you arrive, promise that your date won’t be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.

* Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, “THE SAFETY IS ON”, while you hold your pocket.

Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

A: I’ll tell you at Christmas.

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?

A: Plymouth Rock!

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
“I Don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!”

Q: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
A: Tur-key.

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