Q: What key has legs and can’t open doors?

A: Tur-key.

He laid her on the table
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and then her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide…he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms…
And then he stuffed the turkey.

I saw you across a crowded room.
Among all the others that were there,
The lights seemed to shine down on you alone.
I knew then I had to have you for my own.

Willingly, you came with me to my home.
From the car, I carried you through the door.
Looking at you, I admire your body,
your well shaped legs, and breasts.

Slowly I remove what wraps,
around your body so tightly,
fitting you like a glove.
Exposing your tender white skin.
From your neck I remove your charms,
and carry you off in my arms,
to the warm water that awaits.

The water cascades down your neck,
flowing over your soft breasts then,
making your legs glisten with wetness.
Droplets of water cover your taut skin.
My hands rub your body, ummmm
running them through the beads of water.
Making them trickle down off your body.

I place my fingers inside you.
You are warm and moist, so ready.
I carry your still dripping body,
to a laying place, so that I can
put inside you what was well
prepared to enter you before
we even came through the door.

As soon as I lay you down
your legs spread open wide.
You are ready now and so am I.

I put a little in slowly at first,
getting a feel for how much you can take in.
I put in more, you take it willingly.
In anticipation, faster and faster
I put it in, pushing it in deeply
as far as I can, until I can’t
put any more in, you are so tight.

With your legs wrapped tightly,
not wanting to release any of it,
I make you so hot for a very long time,
until your sweet juices escape from within.

Then I taste you, with my tongue at first,
your skin is so soft and tender.
I taste more of you with my mouth,
you are so hot and moist, you taste so good.

Your juices coating my mouth,
making me drool in anticipation
of eating you more, with every taste.

“Oh yes”, I say to you,
I must say Grace
“Thank God for Butterball turkey…
Amen.”

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.” “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

1. Go buy a turkey.

2. Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) or Jack Daniels.

3. Put turkey in the oven.

4. Take another 2 drinks of whiskey.

5. Set the degree at 375 ovens

6. Take 3 more whiskeys of drink.

7. Turn oven the on.

8. Take 4 whisks of drinky.

9. Turk the bastey.

10. Whiskey another bottle of get.

11. Stick a turkey in the thermometer

12. Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.

13. Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.

14. Take the oven out of the turkey.

15. Take the oven out of the turkey.

16. Floor the turkey up off of the pick.

17. Turk the carvey.

18. Get yourself another scottle of botch.

19. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.

20) Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

* Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.

* Shoot olive pits at Granpa’s glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)

* Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud “BUZZ”ing noise.

* Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad’s not looking.

* Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

* Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.

* Hold your nose while you eat.

* Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

* Mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice, you were worried for nothing.”

* Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table.

* Announce that you’ve got a new fear of choking.

* When you arrive, promise that your date won’t be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.

* Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, “THE SAFETY IS ON”, while you hold your pocket.