3 cups bread crumbs
2 large onions
2 cups of celery
2 tablespoons of poultry seasoning
2 cups of unpopped popcorn

Stuff turkey. Bake at 350 degrees for 5 hours until corn pops and blows the turkey’s ass across the room!

‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned,the dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky,
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees…
Happy eating to all! Pass the cranberries, please!

Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, hubble, hubble.

* You’re sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.

* The turkey never suffers from modesty.

* You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.

* You are expected to pass the dishes around.

* There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.

* They give you the day off with pay to have dinner.

* Thanksgiving dinner is a “sure” thing.

* Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!

* You’re expected to fall asleep after dinner.

* You are expected to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.

10. “Just reach in and grab the giblets.”

9. “Whew…that’s one terrific spread!”

8. “I am in the mood for a little dark meat!”

7. “Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.”

6. “Talk about a HUGE breast!”

5. “And he forces his way into the end zone!”

4. “She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.”

3. “It’s cool whip time!”

2. “If I don’t unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!”

1. “It must be broken ’cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.”