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Q. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?

A. He’s Dublin over with laughter!

There once was an Irishman named Pat, who was born on St. Patrick’s Day, died on St. Patrick’s Day, marching in the St. Patrick’s Day parade.

Pat went to heaven and saw St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “Who are you?”

Pat replied, “My name is Pat, I’m an Irishman, born on St. Patrick’s Day, died on St. Patrick’s Day, marchin’ in the St. Patrick’s Day parade.”

St. Peter checked up in his book and saw all this information was true. So he said to Pat: “Yes, this is all true, so here is a little green cloud for you to drive around heaven in and here is a harp that, when you push this button here, will play ‘When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.’ You’ve earned it, Pat. Have a good time in heaven.”

Pat jumps on his little green cloud, punches the button, and it starts to play “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.” He heads out into heaven, a smile on his face and a song in his heart.

He’s having a wonderful time in heaven, driving his little green cloud around for two whole days. However, on the third day, he’s driving down the main expressway in heaven with the harp playing full blast when, all of a sudden, a pink and white two-tone cloud roars past him and in the back of this cloud is an organ which is playing all sorts of celestial music. Pat has just enough time to see that the person driving the pink and white two-tone cloud has a long nose and a darkish complexion.

Pat makes a U-Turn right in the middle of the Heaven Expressway, charges back to the Pearly Gates, jumps off of his little green cloud and stalks up to St. Peter.

He says, “St. Peter, my name is Pat, I’m an Irishman. I was born on St. Patrick’s Day, died on St. Patrick’s Day, marchin’ in the St. Patrick’s Day parade. I come up here to heaven and I get this tiny, insignificant little green cloud and this little harp that plays only one song, “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.’ St. Peter, there’s a Jew over there. He’s got a big, beautiful pink and white two-tone cloud and an huge organ that plays all kinds of celestial music and I, Pat the Irishman, want to know why!”

St. Peter stands up from his desk. He leans over and motions Pat the Irishman to come closer. Then he says: “Pat, shush! *He’s* the Boss’s Son!”

Teacher: “Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?”
Student: “Because it was too far for them to crawl.”

Q: What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a frog?

A: A little green with a croak of gold!

Q: What would you get if you crossed an Irishman with a basketball star?
A: Eire Jordan!



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