Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they had run out of flour.

Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem.

He said, “don’t worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!”

Sheila looks to her husband and says, “Mortey…you think it’ll work?” and Mortey says,

“of course! Everybody knows…………………….

Rudolph, the Rab, knows grain dear!”

Oh, say can you see,
by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed
at the twilight’s last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes
and bright stars,
through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched,
were so gallantly streaming?

And the rockets’ red glare,
the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night
that our flag was still there.

O say, does that
star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free
and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen
through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host
in dread silence reposes,

What is that which the breeze,
o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows,
half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam
of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected
now shines on the stream:

‘Tis the star-spangled banner!
O long may it wave
O’er the land of the free
and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who
so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war
and the battle’s confusion

A home and a country
should leave us no more?
Their blood has wiped out
their foul footstep’s pollution.

No refuge could save
the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight,
or the gloom of the grave:

And the star-spangled banner
in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free
and the home of the brave.

Oh! thus be it ever,
when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes
and the war’s desolation!

Blest with victory and peace,
may the heaven-rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made
and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must,
when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto:
“In God is our trust.”

And the star-spangled banner
in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free
and the home of the brave!

Job Description:
Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:
For the rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

Possibility for Advancement:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Previous Experience:
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages & Compensation:
You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

Benefits:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.



© 2015 ijokedb.com