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Q: What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?
A: ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L)!

Q: What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

A: They lived hoppily ever after!

Q: What do squireels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

A man was blissfully driving along the highway when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately, the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car an asked the man what was wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explained. “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed him. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?”

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp dead Bunny and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the furry little animal.

Miraculously, the Easter Bunny came back to life! He jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved his paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road.

Fifty yards away, the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around and waved.

He hopped another fifty yards down the road, stopped, turned around and waved again.

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, “What in Heaven’s name is in your spray can?!”

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.

It said: HAIR SPRAY. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.

At the office where I worked, there was an angel there.
Her hair was long and flowing and her skin was soft and fair.
I wanted so to ask her out, but I was way too shy.
I thought she was too beautiful for me to even try.

The few times I approached her, she just smiled and walked away.
I could not get the courage up and “Hi” was all I’d say.
Then I had an idea, I would get her home address,
And send a Valentine to her and with it I’d express,

The way I feel about her, and the way she makes me feel,
And the feelings that I have, are very, very real.
I’ll tell her that I dream of her, and how it all would be,
If she would only take the time to be alone with me.

I poured my heart out in the card and asked her to be mine,
And then I dropped it in the mail, my special Valentine.
In just a few short days, a response came in the mail,
A card with her return address, I started feeling pale.

I wondered what she said in it, and what she thinks of me,
I guess the only way to know, is open it and see.
With great anticipation, I removed the envelope,
And closed my eyes a moment as my heart filled up with hope.

I opened up my eyes to see a card shaped like a heart,
And in the center someone drew a bloody piercing dart.
I opened up the card to see if writing was inside,
And when I started reading it, I damn near almost died.

“I’d love to be your Valentine, but I think that I will pass,
My husband says he’ll be at work, to kick your stupid ass.
I’m glad you like my body and you think it’s really fine,
My husband says this card is going where the sun don’t shine.

In your card you said there’s things to me you’d love to do,
I think my husband’s going to do all of those things to you.
So, have a Happy Valentine’s, I’ll see you Monday morn,
My husband says on Tuesday, you’ll wish you were never born.”



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