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Q: Why was Frankenstein acting so strangely?

A: His head wasn’t screwed on right.

* Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.
* “No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it’s not good to mix alcohol and penicillin.”
* Stand up every five minutes, circle the table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
* “Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?”
* Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themself.
* “I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.”
* When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
* “I used to come here all the time with my ex.”
* Ask your date how much money they have with them.
* If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite. Yawn.
* “I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.”
* Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.
* “I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.”
* Beg your date to tattoo your name on their butt cheek. Keep bringing the subject up.
* Insist that the waiter take a bite of everything on your plate to make sure no one poisoned it.
* Lick your plate clean. Offer to lick their plate clean, too.
* “It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.”

Q: Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
A: She didn’t suit his taste!

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
A: Pumpkin pi.

Q: Why do Valentines have hearts on them?
A: Because spleens would look pretty gross!

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