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Q: Why do vampires need mouthwash?

A: They have bat breath…

Q: Why aren’t there any famous skeletons?

A: They’re a bunch of no bodies.

(to the tune of Silver Bells)

We’re on sidewalks, we’re on porches ,
Dressed in costumes to scare.
Through the city we’re ringing the doorbells
Trick or treating, candy eating,
Gooey stuff in our hair
But the most fun is shrieking out loud:

Shivery yells, Shivery yells
That’s the Halloween nitty-gritty
Moan and groan, leaves us alone
Halloween’s just one night a year.

Pumpkin Bells
(to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Dashing through the streets in our costumes bright and gay
To each house we go laughing all the way
Halloween is here, making spirits bright
What fun it is to trick-or-treat
And sing pumpkin carols tonight!

Oh Pumpkin bells, Pumpkin bells
Ringing loud and clear
Oh what fun great pumpkin brings
When Halloween is here.

Deck The Patch
(to the tune of Deck The Halls)

Deck the patch with orange and black Fa la la la la, la la la la
Take along your goody sack Fa la la la la, la la la la
Don we now our weird apparel Fa la la la la, la la la la
Toll the ancient pumpkin carol Fa la la la la, la la la la
See the great one rise before us Fa la la la la, la la la la
As we sing the pumpkin chorus Fa la la la la, la la la la
Follow him as he ascends Fa la la la la, la la la la
Join with true great pumpkin friends. Fa la la la la, la la la la

I’m Dreaming Of The Great Pumpkin
(to the tune White Christmas)

I’m dreaming of the great pumpkin
Just like I do this time each year.
When he brings nice toys
To good girls and boys
Who wait for him to appear.

I’m dreaming of the great pumpkin
With every pumpkin card I write.
May your jack-o-lanterns burn bright
When the great pumpkin visits you tonight.

‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.

‘Cuz the cat had pounced on him
and tore him apart -
Ate his mousy intestines
and chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleighbells,
which made him take pause -
He stopped daintily licking
the blood from his claws.

“Must be Santa,” thought Kitty
(that quite clever cat)
‘Cuz nobody else climbs down
the chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol’ Santa
so jolly and fat
With a huge load of presents
and all for the cat!

“Wow, the best Christmas ever!”
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
and shed some more fur.

Well, Martha wants a new needlepoint kit this year… Hmmm… too hard… I know! I’ll giver her a…


And the Johnson kids want bikes and those electronic toys and such… Bah! They’d be better off with…

…A yummy FRUIT CAKE!

Then there’s ol’ Bob, begging for new golf clubs again… What he really needs is a…

…A fruity-toot FRUIT CAKE!

This is the best, best, bestest Christmas yet!
Yee Ha Ho Ho!
I think I’ll give them all…

…A store-bought,
…months old,
…chewy & delicious

And what do YOU want for Christmas this year?
Ho Ho Ho!

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