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Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

Q: What is a cannibal’s favorite type of TV show?
A: A celebrity roast.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!

1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!

4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

5. I know when you’ve been bad or good … so let’s skip the small talk, sister!

6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.

7. Interested in seeing the “North Pole”? (Well, that’s what the Mrs. calls it)

8. I see you when you’re sleeping … and you don’t wear any underwear, do you?

9. Screw the “nice” list — I’ve got you on my “naughty” list!

10. Wanna join the “Mile High” club?



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