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‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned,the dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky,
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees…
Happy eating to all! Pass the cranberries, please!

* Kid’s letter to north pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, Chester!”

* Kid asks for new bike, gets a pack of smokes.

* Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.

*By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are Styrofoam peanuts.

* Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.

* Instead of “Naughty” or “Nice”, Santa has him on the dork list.

* Sends him off on a Carnival Cruise with Kathie Lee.

* First words when kid gets on his lap are, “Touch my beard and I’ll put the hurt on you.”

* Labels on all your kid’s toys read, “Straight from Craptown.”

* Four words: “Off my lap, Tubby!”

You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don’t you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought disposable diapers as gifts!

Q: How come vampires never seem to have any trouble?
A: Because they’re a pain in the neck!

Teacher: “Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?”
Student: “Because it was too far for them to crawl.”



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