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Q: What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?

A: The letter “D”

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scale there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber)
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”

So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?

A: Over the ghoul line.

Q: What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
A: Hallowieners.

Q: Why did the wife not put birthday candles on her husband’s birthday cake?
A: It was not that she did not want to make him feel old, she wanted to save the environment.



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