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Q: What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?

A: Cross-mouse cards!

A couple was going to a Halloween costume party and the husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She came walking down the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked except for a big old floppy pair of boots. “Where is your costume?” the husband asked.
“This is it,” replied his wife.
“What the hell kind of costume is that?” asked the husband.
“Why, I’m going as Puss and Boots,” explains the wife. “Now hurry and get your costume on.”
The husband went upstairs and was back in about 2 minutes. He also was completely naked except he had a rose vase slid over his penis. “What the hell kind of costume is that?” asked the wife.
“I’m a fire alarm,” he replied.
“A fire alarm?” she repeated, laughing.
“Yes,” he replied. “In case of fire break the glass, pull twice and I come.”

Q: What type of dog do vampire’s like the best?
A: Bloodhounds…

Q: Did you hear about the ghost mortician?

A: He lived in a haunted hearse!

* You only get laid once.

* You only get eaten once.

* It takes you three minutes to get hard.

* The only person who sits on your face is your mother.

* You come in a box with eleven other guys!!!

* You get tossed in the trash when they’re finished with you.



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