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Q: Who delievers elephants’s Christmas presents?

A: Elephanta Claus!

“Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
“Next time, take off the candles.”

Q: What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?
A: George Washingtoon!

It was Christmas Eve Night, and throughout the whole house,
No creature was sober, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung from the mantel with care,
And I was hung too, hung like a bear.

My wife and I done with shopping, us both out of cash,
Had just settled down for a good piece of ass.

My daughter and her boyfriend were getting it on,
And my son was watching porn while slapping his schlong.

Grandpa was trying his best to make himself stiff,
So he could fulfill Grandma’s Christmas wish.

When out in the yard, there was such a strange sound,
I jumped out of bed and my boner went down.

Straight to the window I really hauled ass,
Opened the curtains and pressed my face to the glass.

And what to my drunken eyes did appear,
But a crappy old sleigh and a bunch of reindeer.

And a large bearded guy scratching his balls,
I knew right away it was Santa Claus.

Slower than shit the reindeer they came,
He cussed and he screamed as he called them bad names…

“Hey Dickhead, hey Shithead, up over that tree,
and next time, wait till we land to pee!”

Q: What is the perfect breakup gift to give to someone for valentines day?

A: A copy of the book sex for dummies.



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